My Pen Drippings... (...I'm Sorry...)

Another day to make shame fade before day…

the light shines a little brighter but is it enough to ease the suffering from past mishaps and shitty circumstance?

Time my only friend now... letting the embers die and the passion cool... the memories fade as new news, new drama, and busy bee blunders of the human race continue to ebb away at my own misfortune...

My eye lids close to the still dark shadows of my thoughts as they tumble across my heart like crowns of thorns... blowing breezily across the icy remains of my good intentions. Sinful living grinding like gravel across any vision I had of simple living...

Blinding me to the reality of my own personal tragedy... a book I write myself... a mental diatribe I'm living by right now...

how utterly ironic how an intelligent chaotic destroys himself with the neurotic impulses of an insecure heart…

...didn't I listen? Haven't I studied?...

...Should I not understand the suffering I place myself in...

remove the mask of the executioner only to discover the task was dealt by my hands gazing at the mirror of past I see the missteps I chose to take off the path…

why do I understand but tap out to the pain, the anger, the shifting rage of my turned over page… is it not the same as the teachings that god gave...

...I'm a hypocrite...

...self sacrifice on the alter of ego I hurt...

...But... Destroy... Only... Me...

tearing out my own heart I place it on top of old photos, dusty memories, and forgotten storm clouds the haze of the profound obscures my hindsight like ear plugs for sound.

Cold empty nothing in the pit of my stomach... something lingers in the chilly night time... wanting to tear my sanity away from me...

Mistakes to make a martyr of good intentions for the sake of fate I won't try and relate to suicidal bait but I just can't shake it...

These feelings of regret, of remorse, of recourse for another morsel of smiles faked and forced... My Pen Drippings Dipped In Blood beating its last course as I write the words dressed in red...

...And I'm Sorry...

...I'm Sorry...

...I'm Sorry...