Who am I? (Drowning with a dream...)

Who am I?

Seems a question i should have long since answered
but the complexities of its nature plague the mind like cancer...

prolonging the inevitable choices by peppering my logic with flights of fancy...

dreams I breathe fade into existence like clouds that bleed...

obscuring the obstacles, the marauders...
I dance... look can you see?...

Distorted realities attack my wilted rose and the petals that fall
will ripple through my dark waters to distort the reflections cast down by my bleeding clouds...

pitter pattering droplets pound softly as my dreams drum their life away
and succumb to dark watered tombs and ripple outward

until lost and marooned...
on an isle under my brightest moon...

a secret place...

where desires are encouraged to taste the waters of a forgotten fate
where even darkness roams free and safe from all of your "UNDERstanding"

the ships that you're sailing to carry away my fallen petals
will disappear forever beyond the veil of my limitations to become immortalized within my convictions...

wouldn't it have been easier just to pay attention?

Or can you not afford the price paid in truth?
A self sacrificing altar with the body of virgin youth...

peddling away our innocence for the morsels
dropped by the denizens of the human heart

we invision a lust that can sustain us remake us remove the pain of self inflicted shame cuz...

we are ultimately affraid of... a reflection...
of not having any direction of dying without having survived lifes lessons...

I'm afraid...

and not ashamed to admit it... i've left dreams in the darkness unrequited

but who am I?

I used to be indifferent...

a casual observer in the maelstrom of my evolving imagination
a divination of the reflection of my dimming soul...

but now... who have I become but a martyr?

a shit starter...

screaming at the injustice of a world spiraling down the storm drain of malcontent
with every single last breath spent...

and wasted...

just to repent to the devils shadow and indulge on the tasteless droppings of human waste
as more bullshit fills the shoes and sheets of suit wearing sheep...

haven't we all inadvertently left stains on the white carpets of faith?
aren't we all liars, flip flopping, self serving egotists?

Sadists and Masochists enlisting the fallen excuses of the fallen useless?
Don't they say that truth is... in the eye of the beholder?

aren't we all the molders of reality?

and with truth in our eyes... we are blinded...
constantly searching to rewind our faults to a time when...

we were perfect?
HaHa such a notion is worthless...

yet we continue to chase those feathers into the wind storms of our own creation
and then cry when the wrath of a true God takes our toys away...

but please stay... at least for awhile until I clear my throat from this bile...
become a little more docile with the homicidal...

as the dust settles on blood scratched parchment
I see that I need no pattern no rhyme that rations

my thoughts...

and I don't need a metaphor...
I can paint murder and make it an art form with dry bristles...

because really all the semantics mean little
and everything I have to teach is in the clear steady tones of the proverbial whistle

and the casting of chicken bones along the uneven stones of my path
with unequivocal, unambiguous wrath I take chances on ambitious plans

and reach high...

living up to my full potential and I try...

to reach higher than the devils shadow... and I scream...
while trapped beneath the waves of my dark waters... drowning with a dream...

Deception

I write today inspired by your lies...

Deception runs evident...

In rivulets decent from ocular madness
I deciphered the patterns from your water falling caverns

trickling its last drop into pools along our feet
salt burning the cuts from our rat race ragged pursuit of bitterness's sweet
symphonic sodomy punishing along the inside of all of me...

Why chase feathers decorated with shards of 'forever after'
when the scars left behind breezed along with the echoed laughter of my devoured countenance...
Wintered expressions wither further with deceptions...

As my smile hibernates along the edges of due north...
Truth bitch... Can you seek it? NO... "of course not"

shy away from reality as the ego cannot be fought
just deprived of all thought or has all cognitive reasoning been tossed up and forgot?

Smoke some marijuana or has all of "loves seasoning" been lost amongst the rot?
Call it what you wanna but I'm still dreaming of a moment long since forgotten...

Slipping along the revelry of my brainwaves behaving as children at play
teeter tottering on a merry go round ...

...As a thousand voices screaming being my only back drop of sound...

So cry those tears...

Even as your mask plots an attack
the cold logic facts wont push back the traps you lay for your reasoning...

Because sometimes even seeing doesn’t equate to believing...

And you lost your faith in me...

I Like To Pretend...

I like to pretend...

That there is no tomorrow with out there being an "US"

like I would die in my sleep
as the warmth cooled from your imprint
and left me stranded in disbelief
as the world stood still for me...

For without the light that gave birth to our connection
the world would grow dark and turn the opposite direction...

...All of existence would sit stop and look
as the daylight flipped like a new page in an old book.

I like to pretend...

That there is no ending without our beginning...
Like Armageddon's fire merely lit the candle light on our night stand ...

Like tasting each others heavenly desires
before we unleash hell by the glow of hearth fires...

...Burning alongside our sin and devotion
like the world burning along the edge of its oceans and I pretend...

...And I dream...

I envision a love without end or freeze
a love that carries through the strife like wings to a breeze
with a passion that transcends all time and disease
an ever last bastion over shadowing dark watered seas

In similar fashion to your gazes reaction...
A welcome distraction from the cold in my soul...

... As my heart melts away with me...

And I pretend... And sometimes I forget...

...That I'm gifted...

Not talented or special but spiritually lifted...

I guess the lord knew I would need a flame in the night, a ghost in the dark,
a spark to carry through the gloom when my heart would fall apart.

But I remember times... So many times...

I sat trapped inside my head...
...a prisoner wrapped within the confines of his own personal dread...

But you were there for me...

...Or so I pretend.

Egoic Trinity ('I Am')

Filthy animal 'I am'... I stole the gift of over-grand-standing from Intelligent Designs my crimes range from those of the inhumane to those of the insane as every thought is a wish upon the universe...

You see 'I am' master of this game... The riddler, the one-verse, the new verse, the pale horse and the stretch hearse. The pen with a sickle starts to trickle a little life on life made simple...

Then more complex as I flex and digest the unrest of a billion souls laid to rest and yes... I will test that intellect into "X's" and "Checks" with balances not met yet, all for a promise to never scribe my best yet.

Because 'I am' a beastly creature mentally scared like horror features for thought processes... The eastern star teacher... My nightmare reaching deep for the keeper of secrets... 'I am' the seeker of deep seeded dreams...

'I am' Realities rip torn at the seams as I set fire to the emerald curtain and scream into the faces of false prophets spittin' vomit peppered to taste like wanton lust with the smell of dust as He breathed life into all of us...

But everyone just trust... And sleep sound... No one will rape you when the laws not around... No one will leave him dead on the ground... Just trust... The only being that cares is 'us'

That’s why 'I am' the manifestation of religious blood lust come full circle to bite the tails of tales in the bud-ding blossoms of a good mans wails :UH:

'I am' the sad clown turned wicked, the juggler of jugulars and I ripped it from the throats of poets in 16 bars don’t quote it yet because I'm not finished stacking cold dishes on the proverbial plate of my revenge, bitches...

'I am' the darkness twisted the chaotic heart beats demented to the rhythms of always smiling women, eyes wide open in intimate moments for fear of love stroking the life outta me

So Fly with me... Vibe with me... Ride with me on the waves of free speaking seas and breath life with me... For 'I am' you... And you are me... Combined with darkness... To form the... Essence of humanities Egoic Trinity...

My Dark Twisted Fantasy

MMM let me taste those illicit dark demonesstic lips...
Quick to whip bad girls into fits of twisted bliss
dark leather strips across red marked hips... That’s a start little bitch...

Now follow my nightmare into your wet dream...
we'll both scream as you cream your delights across my demonic sight
in a rush of excitement and fright as you realize my intentions to go all night...

Before I chloroform your form for a daylight rest
Right before more nocturnal tests of pain tolerance... Yes...
You ain't goin no where whore...

Just a brief reprieve from wet nightmare dreams before you awake begging for more...
So what's the "O" score? Crimson roman numerals etched along your flesh board...
Otherwise known as your back...

and what's that? Don't talk back or you're bound to get that ass slapped "CRACK"
I guess I better put that gag back... For your own protection...
How can you open your mouth and still learn my dark lesson?

You see... I am master... And you are slave...
pain erasing the morality with the pleasure that I gave...

evidence displayed with wetness as I press this blade into the entrance of hells cage and I confess this I mix my desire with rage then relish the sight of you and the changes that I made...

From closet freak to my meat on sheets...
Here's a little treat mama cita...

a little release from intimate tease as I beat the good girl out of ya... Ya that’s sweet.

Just the tip as I flick those hemp bound tits and twist your close lined clit into grips of dripping bliss...

Here... Sit on this little miss as I kiss those dark trembling lips and embark on another journey into black heart misery ready for the start of cathartic intimacy so make ready...

For my fantasy...

My lust is a dark passenger in a 57' Chevy with no answers... And you're in the trunk...
Drugged up and tied up like a good little slut waiting to be plugged the fuck up...

But don’t worry about getting knocked up cunt... Good girls like you could never make a man cum...

But don't worry sweetness... I'll let you try... ;)


~Chaotic Virgo

What Did I Do?

How does one ever begin to convey the feelings of loss of destruction today...

I've leapt I've dived I've ripped my heart out and died
for the feeling of dismissal the indifferent missile like deaths razor sharp sickle
I don’t understand all the needless reprimand
or how you can stand to walk off with a man

knowing I'm held back holding out son as a ward against attack...
It’s the truth... A cold honest fact...
That between me and you I've got it good I've got it bad...
Jealous beyond the boundaries of demands...

No ring on your finger... No truth to my promise...
I just thought after it all you'd be honest
but I cannot expect, demand, or regard
The flawed nature of your being walking the side of the boulevard.

Because really? What the fuck did I do?...
Other than swallow the jagged pill stand up and stay true...
What did I do beside give my life to you?

This is all just a dream a fucking nightmare...
The image of you and of her... I need to repair...
I'm lost on my own... And you control my spirit
wake me when my good deeds suddenly have merit...
Cant stand but to share it I tried not to scare it...
Just stood, gritted my teeth and bared it...
I'd like to let it all loose... But I choose to despair it...
After the facts too late don’t know if I can mirror it...

I fear all of it but sit back and quit
the rise of the tide inside my minds jealous side....
Because I don’t have the right no engagement in sight...
I'm a fucking donor... The creator of life but in life there are 23 chromosomes pushed to the side...

This ride goes on too long for me to just hide...
Set me on a path of unforgiving mass... I traveled down at last after your time came to pass...

And don’t hear me...

Oh no whatever you do don’t hear me...

Let me be the whispers that gnaw at your pride
let me be the reason you stood up and lied
let me be the tears that fell when you cried
and let me be the knife for a life of suicide...

Beautiful Insanity

Love knows no boundaries, no heights, and no reason...

I kill for love, speak ill of love... I eat mother fucking pills for love...
But I gotta have it...

Because I got a habit for the manic, the hopeless romantic...

I Find the beauty in the unseeing eyes of tragic fanatics killed by heart string love tactics

I gotta know if its enough to reach up and snatch it...

from the hands of the divine and melt two minds in mine...
I gotta know what its like to intertwine
be one with thy
one sun in one sky
come on now lets fly... Give a little psycho fellowship a try...

because I...
Am only creating a vibe...
Still hot breath on thighs...
Wrapped with cold dead flesh... SURPRISE!

Let me get you wet...
Then shock your cerebellum into a symphony of forget...
At the very least you can hate me... But still feel the beast...
ALL YOU ZOOPHILIACS rape me like prom dates in Cadillac's
as I sharpen my shank to cut bullshit and take stabs at facts

because when I write its shit in my grin or blood on my pen
its pain or fun, emotions that run, or dead poets and a smoking gun

as shadows laugh
at epitaphs
skin graphs
from road rash
as I pass
the path
of good intentions...

and wear darkness like Prada
cross dressing evil like I gotta make the devil smaller...

So...
Haha...
I love...

...At All Times...

But may seem numb from daily grinds
and saddened by reflected crimes...

But I love...

...At All Times...

At all costs and without reason
I love for the sake of feeling
without a heart there is no meaning
just breathing, shitting, eating, sleeping...
A darkness with no room for dreaming...

So...
Haha...
I live...

...Sometimes...

Sometimes the life is quenched inside
by syphoning off your projected pride...
Feeding off the residual emotion
the aftermath of pain and devotion
where resentment can run as deep as oceans
and hatred puts her plan into motion.

...Drip...Drip...Drip...Drip...

Insanity slips like my realities grip
until I'm falling... Laughing along the way recalling...

A Stereogram Metaphor That I Once Heard Before...

...HAHAHA...

...think about that insanity...


...HAHAHA...