What Did I Do?

How does one ever begin to convey the feelings of loss of destruction today...

I've leapt I've dived I've ripped my heart out and died
for the feeling of dismissal the indifferent missile like deaths razor sharp sickle
I don’t understand all the needless reprimand
or how you can stand to walk off with a man

knowing I'm held back holding out son as a ward against attack...
It’s the truth... A cold honest fact...
That between me and you I've got it good I've got it bad...
Jealous beyond the boundaries of demands...

No ring on your finger... No truth to my promise...
I just thought after it all you'd be honest
but I cannot expect, demand, or regard
The flawed nature of your being walking the side of the boulevard.

Because really? What the fuck did I do?...
Other than swallow the jagged pill stand up and stay true...
What did I do beside give my life to you?

This is all just a dream a fucking nightmare...
The image of you and of her... I need to repair...
I'm lost on my own... And you control my spirit
wake me when my good deeds suddenly have merit...
Cant stand but to share it I tried not to scare it...
Just stood, gritted my teeth and bared it...
I'd like to let it all loose... But I choose to despair it...
After the facts too late don’t know if I can mirror it...

I fear all of it but sit back and quit
the rise of the tide inside my minds jealous side....
Because I don’t have the right no engagement in sight...
I'm a fucking donor... The creator of life but in life there are 23 chromosomes pushed to the side...

This ride goes on too long for me to just hide...
Set me on a path of unforgiving mass... I traveled down at last after your time came to pass...

And don’t hear me...

Oh no whatever you do don’t hear me...

Let me be the whispers that gnaw at your pride
let me be the reason you stood up and lied
let me be the tears that fell when you cried
and let me be the knife for a life of suicide...