Borrowed

I am thankful…

For all that its worth

It was worth it all

Even when the

Verse…

Breaks with the fall

Patient

I am oh so patient

To wait for the never

Not for forever

I take the call

Listen to sorrow

Promising me of tomorrow

Granting me some time to borrow

And I live in it

But watch through dirty windows

As you smile

And here I'll stay for awhile

Living on borrowed grief

And glimpses that are oh so brief

Holding on to my one relief

Confuse me with a misery thief…

But that's not who I am

And you know this

Just the ugly in winters dormant

Absence leaves my soul in torment

Hold my heart for one more moment

Allow my heart to thaw with spring

No telling what the heat will bring

Without the pain of winters sting

I am strong

I am patient

It won't be long

Before my song

Shines as bright

As midnight walks

And palisades…

And silent graves

Autumn leaves

And brief reprieves

Tattered pictures

Fading…

Like the memories

Clouded by pain

And sorrows rain

Mud pies

And honest lies

Held in place

By hearts of glass

And broken moments

I take the time

To listen

A smile that glistens

With frozen tears

For all of my fears…

I'm stranded in hope

Because the rope

Broke with the fall

But through it all…

I love you.

I thank you.

I wait.

Duress

Under fire

Duress being one of my favorite

Collapse leaving no room for boredom

Understanding that we each create our own world

When life was happy…

I cowered underneath itchy bed sheets

In fitful peace

Begging the monotony to cease

Chaos being sweet release

From drowning in stagnant waters

Only floating driftwood

Made up of long dead fathers

Worried callers

And night time bothers

Oh how it must suck to love me

Watch me destroy me

But still wanting to be

Something more…

But please tear me down

As long as I'm next

Your worst is only second best

To my screaming unrest

And unless…

You can deliver duress

Please don't stress

This emptiness…

And please don't wait…

For something more to come from crazy

There's no defeating the past that made me

The death and nightmares that he gave me

Knowing the only thing to save me…

Will be myself…

So come on 'self'

Throw me a line

Give me the strength

To continue

With plastic smiles

And hollow encouragement

Oh and while you're at it…

Save the damned

And be damned yourself

For your trouble

Build them shelter out of your own life's rubble

Even while your own stomach rumbles

And your own world crumbles

Saved the damned

Because they deserve it more than you.

Solace

Still silent night you are my solace…

Starless during the frozen winter

The cold is a comforting reflection

I don't feel the bite

And I don't shut it out

I welcome the chilly numbness with a smile

As the pain fades with the fire

And the embers cool to memories

Leaving a scar upon the cold earth

No longer a comparison of my self worth

But a reminder of my diminishing blunders

Giving me the strength to move on…

I look beyond to empty night sky wonders

Hoping that you're not already gone…

Leaving me to my bitter night succor

Not wanting to fill that void

But still left wanting more…

Than a life better now destroyed

Scattered and strewn across a land of faded dreams

Haunting memories and broken hearted screams

This land of the gone

The land of the wrong

This land of a voice

With a pale echoed song …

Paper

Why am I sad?
There was no darkness to save me
This time…
To wrap me in coldness
Sheltered from the fire
In your eyes
That image burned me
Left me naked
Ashamed and lost
A promise broken
By the weight of collapse
An inward tumble
With nothing to grasp
The slick walls of my heart
Made of glass
Wouldn’t allow me to hold on…
Only the tiny cuts
Of fragmented memories
Embedded in the soul
Keep me aware
Of my own humanity
The jagged memory
Of a tattered lie
Keep me holding
Forever holding
That which is tainted
That which is wounded
That which is frightened
That which is weak
The scars I keep
Are from a time of then
I put on my paper
And I come back to them
Someday I’m hoping
To be able to pretend
That this tattered paper
Can be perfect again…

HAHAHAHA

This path i walk
And goal i saught
Was all for naught
Cause everytime i got shot
Just laid to rot
With things you taught
And times we faught
Only sorry cause i got caught

But times have changed
Just like the rain
And i'm insane
But still you play the same game
So whats to say
Im not okay
I wait the day
For memories to fade away

I wonder why
I havent died
When alls inside
Are thoughts for me to cry by
But now its time
To stop this crime
This pain of mine
Is balanced on the fine line

Of love and hate
At times debate
And at this rate
Ill be standing at the late gate
My heart you take
Cause in this state
I will not wake
And i'll never forsake fate

Never Understanding

It appeals to the night side of my lifeless moon

To entrap my soulless wonder before the high noon

Day brought discovery

The night my acceptance

This year of the following

and rapturing decadence

The questions left ringing

If ears hear thoughtless

The mourning their bringing

As I cry to confess this

Why so cryptic?

My life black and white

The lie here is darkness

Upon minds blight

Come here and see me

Stranded in gray

Look upon the sunset

Of rebels last day

Death to the romance

Kill the fool now

Sweat dark with blood

Upon sorrows brow

Does this make things clear?

Or just frighten your senses

Love holds to fear

By popular consensus

You won't understand this

And neither will I

"You'll live to regret this…"

The rebel screams and dies.

Killing The Rebel…

Ill never know if it will be ok

With so much love drifting away

Out of site and out of mind

Poetic versus returned in kind

I welcome back the heart shaped scar

Traveling along the edges of hurt

Marred by impatience

Kept by dreaming

Distracted by the voices screaming

Contemplating life's true meaning

Soaking up the mess

From a heart left bleeding

Taken by the side that knows

The hole that hurts

When the cold wind blows

That icy frost keeps the blooms in holding

Denying life the beauty of showing

Dormant and waiting for the seasons growing

Instead of winters cold hearted knowing

I deny myself the breath to breathe

I won't allow the time to grieve

Just stand and watch you as you leave

Praying to God for a brief reprieve

The kinder side… the romantic rebel

Takes the pain to a higher level

Holding tightly bleeding heart held high

Laughing and crying at the sight of sky

The heartless side… in deep concentration

Smiles at the rebel so full of elation

Knowing the outcome experience driven

The folly of love and the chances given

So am I the fool?

Or am I the killer?

Let love rule?

Or be the sinner?

Ill be the exiled

The still frozen river

Until I'm worth something

Something to give her

The cold air is diminished

The sun is the liar

The killer the truth

And the rebel my fire