Food For Thought

Thoughts escape
running like small children
from the calls of parents

Desire seeps into the soul
like the kisses
from the passed

Love is destroyed
like hurricanes in cities
that were never built to last

Hatred is controlled
but insides are left in ruin
by a memory of the past

Truth is never real
identify with what you see
by the dye that was cast

Lies are a necessity
to protect from understanding
the eyes behind the mask

To live and to die
faithfully in love
is all that's ever asked

Moment Of Waste...

Propped up by lies
and promises
I fall away
with disappointment

Collapse with the weight
of consciousness
reality is too heavy
to hold
your filth is
shaping me,
you voice
raping me,
your thoughts are
taking me,
oh please God
hold on to me…
I need the lies,
I need your promises,
I need all the cries to all the skies…
To create this necklace of discontent
Draped across my cut throat
Death brings discovery
Of what you meant…
And every minute spent…
Is wasted on… "I Love You"

No Me

You don't know me and never will
understanding serves to kill
the peaceful mind that's standing still

quiet your mind and you might find
the truth to me
the truth to you
let me do me
while you do you

the lie will die
in the empty sky
never will you wonder why
without something to identify

I am me just like you
I don't need these things
to see what's true
all that's left is me
and you….

Now you see what's really there
when no ones left to lie and care
journey with me if you dare
but only after my soul lay's bare

Only then can you really grasp it
picture yourself inside that casket
let your fears drift on by
fight it…? Don't even try

Accept the pain for it wont last
the pain of life is sure to pass
just like death, its not forever
neither is the term "together"

I'm not my job
I'm not my child
I'm not the smoke
nor black and mild's

I'm not the beer
I'm not the weed
I'm not your fears
nor good deeds

I'm not my responsibility
liberated; set me free
of all the things I used to be
I feel I have to disagree

I'm just someone sent to earth
been the same since my birth
here are my words for what its worth
I hope this doesn't make things worse

but I wouldn't give a damn
if you told me that's all I am
because I've realized what's true
there is no me
and there is no you

Mud Pie

Don't form words you don't understand
call me what you will without recognition
what was the basis for your decision?
want to play and keep me locked away
your special escape
it feels like rape
you want everything
your favorite word is take
masked behind give
all serve to let it live
when all it needs to do is lie
never oh no never
not you but only me
undeserved of free
but cry for me
while you lie to me
it doesn't hurt
but tastes like dirt
spitting the mud
that mixes
when I'm honest
such a dirty word
tainted by the truth
smile with all your mirth
as you eat the icing
and throw away the cake
cry over the things you make
sorry but this time…
I cannot relate
I want no part
of your "understanding"
just leave me to my meandering
wandering wondering
of what you meant
when you made mud pies
out of purity
my vision blurry
with all my fury
as I eat your pie
tasting the lie
with a smile
and why?

Because I love you
until I die

Missing The Point

unless….
unless their wrong
unless they lie
unless I believe
unless I kneel
try to tell me how to feel
when sometimes all there is…
is kill
they tried to tell me
they tried to sell me
but never did they try to help me
buy your way into the light
while I give to the shadows
waiting for the return
not of Christ but of real Christians
as if you could label redemption
doesn't every bible have a price tag?
but then again they never mention…
the truth
only directions
to your plate made of gold
how can you be so bold?
to call me a heathen
instead of your brethren
just because the tithe
cuts like a knife
I read words written in red
and they never said
that you could get rich
by the spirit of the poor
forget the sermon
just ask for more
The best you can do is point to the truth
the hand pointing is a lie
you are not the truth
so point to god
show me the way
in your 3 piece suit
and isn't it ironic
the finger you point with
wrapped in gold
cant seem to hold
a steady course.

See you in hell fuckers.

Troubled Mind

In my life I'm seeing double
truth and lies my mind is trouble
thoughts wake ruin in this sleepy death
held it firmly with in a breath

Expel the good unto the wasted
Hold the evil until I taste it
focus inward protect the weak
in my eyes come take a peak
See the pain deep inside
for all those tears I refused to cry
don't let it out it needs to stay
it dies with me there is no way
I dominate the inner me
with nothing good to set me free
locked behind these smiling eyes
is a child who desperately tries
to face the things of his own creation
the madness with no correlation
I know so much and oh so little
is this but one of gods great riddles?

To know the end and not the beginning?
Death is pure but life is sinning?
In my mind the devils grinning
cause in my heart I know he's winning

Dying To Live

I'm dying to live
passionate and satisfied
you touch and you lie
as life drifts by

Diseased.
unfulfilled and bare
living with the cold
unloving air
breathless i take
a moment to care
to sit and fathom
the times so rare...

I'm dying to live
Loved and forgiven
Forgotten yet driven
Rotten yet still living

Pathetic
Worthless rope
Breaks with the fall
I lie alone
Thinking...
Dreaming...
With false hope

I'm dying to live
forgive all my pain
as it makes no sense
to those that are absent
of understanding

 

Questions

What happened to the banished?
The discontent?
And the inconsequential?
Were they struck down
By the liars?
The haters?
And the misery makers?
Fucking killers.
And who's to stop them?
The lovers?
The Peace keepers?
The dreamless and the all night sleepers?
Oh no, don't count on them
their all too entwined
you can't have one
and leave the others behind
So what happened?
And what do we do?
How do we tear down
the castles in the sky?
Stopping the definitions
All the clutter that drifts by.
The things that you buy
And the pain that you hide
The hurt deep inside
is
Dimensional Suicide
Drifting...
And I'm drifting....
But why?

Dead Man Walking

I look down at a man looking backwards.
Existence for him is a lie
Smiling at the people as they shuffle by
Teeth gleaming with propaganda
Lips turned up with falsehood
Happiness being so much easier to explain

I look upon the man as he walks alone
Marching toward a sunset he'll never reach
Every step a memory of the lessons that we teach
Learning to love impossibly by stumbling along the way
Never accepting forever, just one foot in front of the other
Shackled by the sun as it disappears behind the horizon

I see the man dead but looking forward
No longer is he walking, his journey at an end
He sits upon the path that's been his only friend
Gazing past the sun, to somewhere far beyond
The echoes of his last song, are all that you will find
As the sun disappears forever, leaving him behind.

At Last

I sit with arms out
Trying to embrace a memory
My arms close on air
Can't look past reality
But still I see
All that used to be
A breath, a smile, a kiss
To set me free
The world and my imagination
Fuck it, it's all the same
I sit here wounded alone
Dying for your name
I look around at emptiness
No one around to blame
Insults hurled upon deaf walls
Fighting a reflection
Until the day she calls
A story that's not quite finished
erasing the ending where life diminished
With tears I write the last chapter
Eloquent and smooth,
But words fail to capture
The light, and happiness
of the last pages rapture
An end to this story
An end to all my rage
Words etched in blood
Upon the final page
And now I close the book
Taking away all of my pain
Closing my eyes to a storm
Of sorrows final rain
Residual shadows of
a memory that's passed
Brought on by a setting sun
ending this day,
finally,
at last.

One More Shot

You looked
But you didn't see
Behind the wall is misery
Hate consuming all of me
Thinking of what used to be
One more shot, I'm finally free

She Enters

Death's Lure

Once a blank word, distant with few defined edges,
Now undulates with a subtle movement, the lure of silken
form, which now rarely leaves my vision.

Now the bed is made, the sheets lay flat with the scent of evening.

No more the days of planning my decades slow unfurlment,
No more polishing of ambitions to be put out on display,
Lying boastful, in a reflected light.

The once blank word swims darkly in dreams,
Extends its delicate hand to assist, becomes less foe than
Long absent friend.

Singing the exile to sleep
Singing the exile to sleep

Singing....
The exile....
To sleep.

Last Laugh

Completely and totally numb
Lacking emotional or physical pain
Fuzzy around the edges
Extremely blurry is the brain
Accepting the fact that I'm dead
I have nothing but respect
for what lies rotting in my head
Some pretend like they understand
While failing to comprehend
I destroy myself
In order to begin again
Recreating my madness
Hardening this heart and soul
Towards all sorrow and sadness
Leaving no room for love and hate
So only fear remains
Struggling futilely
Against fearless iron chains
I've attached to my conscience
Which is screaming
Now utterly insane
I get the last laugh
Knowing I have only myself to blame

Forgiveness Path

Trapped
held hostage by life
judgments serve as chains
wrapped around my heart
I can't breathe
ridicule and criticism
fill my lungs instead of air
the love in my heart
reflected the hate in your eyes
insults instead of hugs
served as last goodbyes
now you are a shadow
I run but the memories follow
you chase me
trying to wrap me
in a prisons embrace
in shackles
I laughed in your face
not at your advice
but at your hypocrisy
not everyone forgets
as easily as you
so simple to let your own
indiscretions slip through
down between the cracks
of your own failed existence
I ducked and dodged
out of the way
from the misery that filled
and poured over the edge
of your countenance
I swerved when hate was
flung in my direction
made a mountain of
a single indiscretion
so quick to judge me
when I wasn't in
the court room
I lie and you live a lie
filling your life
with false redemption
burying the past
underneath Prozac
but we all don't forget
as easily as you
some wounds never heal
scars serve as reminders
telling me what is real
I have a bandage for David
and one for Shawn
and one for my Sister
while I was gone
you couldn't stop
you misery and hate
not even when your
daughters life was at stake
and oh I remember
the lies that you told
trying to make yourself
out to look the saint
the wounds are still there
but now I'm blind
to your hate filled stare
my heart maybe bruised
but still I care
my love is unconditional
always has been always will
what's to become of us now
that there's no more memories to kill
live our lives without the
shadows of the past
with dreams of the future
where love will last
and not drift away
behind all the mistakes
fading in front of
life's cruel lessons
a place where
choices are made
and no more
second guessing
travel with me
down this road
we'll look upon
the scenery this
path brings us
we'll experience
the joy of each
others company
and finally live free
free from judgments
and ridicule,
free of all fear and lies
free of insults, pain
and bad goodbyes
free of everything
that's kept us apart
come and walk with
me down a road to forget
the shadows of the past
please, please, I beg you
walk with me down
forgiveness path

A Life Not Wanted

What a crime to see
the sky imprisoned
the future envisioned
became lost amongst
so much lifeless junk
the unbanished inconsequential junk
creates walls
that block the sun
confining the clouds
within a prison of choice
the birds no longer fly
just sit idly by
waiting for a brief
draft of wind
to soar momentarily above
a life not wanted
I've watched the skies
great eyes
the moon and sun
dim and fade
paling before
"right and wrong"
all that's left
is a glimmer of life
a momentary twinkle
of a star
as it looks out
upon mountains
and forests
of freedom
then slowly
one by one
the very stars
lose their shine
crumbling before
oppression
lost within contentment
safely shackled
upon the mantle
of injustice
given time
even a trophy
loses its luster
becoming unable
to carry
the reflection
of a loving gaze
the weight of gold
becomes
a burden to carry
responsibilities serve
as enforcers of slavery
the sun
the moon
the stars
become so much
needless scenery
when all we need
is a void
to float in
a vast ocean
of thought
that stretches
endlessly
carrying a
life time
within the
eternity of a second
never ticking
a second to live
a life time to die
a single moment
to let the clouds drift by
a song upon the birds
as they fly upon
a gust of wind
that never goes away
the warmth
of the sun
burns bright
within that second
and when it passes
if it ever does
it burns even brighter
on a cloudy day
within a memory
that never fades
within the reflection
of a lonely gaze
that one instant
where the eyes narrow
creating a life
a momentary glimmer
that carries with it
never ending freedom
leaving you alone
to simply exist
to just be
who you are
far above
a life not wanted

Awake

I have awakened....

Seen through the lies
the scenery that drifts by
in a blur of deception
i have lived with false perception

A hope that never existed
a dream that wasnt real
morals learned but twisted
and through it all i feel

Alone....

I slowly loosed my grip on a fake reality
i gaze upon a reflection that is only me

I no longer see the shadows that stand behind
misguided teachings of a family thats blind

Damaged in the name of love
ive forgiven and stare up above

at the void that fills the gap within
the emptiness thats become my only friend

I sit and i stare
at a face that isnt there
to tell me they care
or give a judging glare

a life without labels
or words to express
exactly who i am
in this void of lonliness

I sit and i stare
at a life that belongs to me
I stand and walk away
down a path that sets me free

Alone And Ok...

I am alone
The vastness
of the sky
fills the void
in my heart
keeping me
drifting.....
forever alone
above the ground
where people live
lives of love
above the pain
of a last
embrace.....
and beyond
the heart shaped scar
i banished
lifeless junk
in exchange
for a void
to drift in
a quiet place
where dreams
dont exist
but memories
replay endlessly
a place where
theres nothing left
to hold onto.....

Weightlessly Heavy

Life Turns
in an ever present
revolution of progression
my hands are tired
my shoulders bruised
from holding the weight
of loves oppression
i died in the arms
of realities lucidity
and danced upon
nightmares fire
my eyes sewn open
by the ties that bind
a freedom ive only known
as a prisoner
my castle built upon
a foundation of lies
the rug pulled beneath me
i savored the taste
of failures dirt
swooned at the
soft touch of shame
your kiss of death
left the mark of the beast
leaving me behind
to face my own reflection

Don't Drink And Drive.....

Your screams scare me.....

I can see only darkness but still I hear
Broken limbs refuse to set me free
Too much pain to cry, too shocked to fear
Your shrill cry is all that I perceive

until the smell of flesh forces my stomach to turn
Reality hits me and still I cannot believe
Today is your birthday.... Candles are the only things that burn

somebody please help my dad!!!
A weak moan is all that comes out
Firelight flicker's beyond my eye lids as the beast grows more mad
Can't move or see or even manage to shout

Death continues to burn, the scream consumes my mind
Slowly I move my hand to wipe away at my face
Glass, dirt, and blood are what my fingers find
Cleaning a path to vision with hands devoid of grace

Swollen eyelids raise to a reality that can only be hell
The devil consumes him slowly enjoying the taste of his soul
Tasting the floor board then legs relishing in the smell
Death laughs at me toying with the life it stole

He throws his head up full concentration now on his cries
my mind filled with his cries and all sanity left me
Pain going unnoticed, open eyes without sight, his torment all I know
I feel his pain through his cries and sense the madness grow

I've forgotten my name, why I'm here, and even to take a breath
The screams and the smells of flesh remain, testament of death
Death please bring suffering to an end quicken torments time
I beg the devil to take a life but was it my fathers or mine?

The last words of my father rose from my personal hell
"Remember...." A cruel joke it seems, I remember all too well
years later I'm still a child awaiting death, but I only get a stare
Now I live death every time I sleep within a prison of a nightmare

Cruel Enlightenment

I am a prisoner in the Jail House Of Madness
My cell mates are Hate, Love, Fear, and Sadness

The pain moves throughout my skull and I know what's to come
An extremely large cake of reality .... Take a slice want some?

It'll slap you off that pedestal of forever
I'll wait to fall in love, there's always tomorrow .... Or .... Maybe never

Fancy silk yarn of lies, a gift from society to weave a false blanket of hope
Heart attack, plague, famine, and murder, accidents, fires, or strangulation by rope

Days, months, years, entire lives taken for granted
Because the seeds of false hope have already been planted

In the minds of future cancer victims who strive for a career
Believing that money can protect them from a death they never thought to fear

Or how about a young mother 6 months into a still birth?
Delusions of happiness and love ... As the hand of death wipes away her mirth

How's that cake taste? With icing of irony, sweet deserts, now you understand
Live life like there's no tomorrow and time itself will expand

Every moment of everyday is another opportunity to turn it all around
a chance to fall in love again or laugh at the newborn and the nose he has found

a chance to play house with your daughter at the age of thirty five
or stand on the roof and scream how good it is to be alive

Visit a grave and honor the dead ... It doesn't matter which one
pray for the time not wasted and all the deeds they've done

Death has no conscience and at random it will strike
So experience everything wants, needs, love and dislike

Remember don't live a life, live only a minute
Caress the time you have because there is a limit

I am not sorry for this harsh message sent
now understand and be rewarded with cruel enlightenment