I Write With Thoughts From Rock Bottom

Can you see it? Fly with me...

Another dream to see free speaking breeze along your intentions...
The invention of interventions failed to listen when slit wrists like lips failed to mention
a bad habit in contention with the semantics of emotional contradiction
With this comes a simple reality derived from fiction

READ YO BOOK LIKE YA LEARN SOMFIN ...
Or blow up an orphanage because a dead guy spoke SOMFIN
words in red like he actually wrote SOMFIN

why should he die because the same guy gave him amnesty
can you not fathom the tragedy of this reality?

Get up stand up Bob Marley the fuck up and trust...
There is no reason that we must make this much fuss
over tabernacles layered in rust and historical leaders with religious blood lust
just shut the fuck up and fly with us... Or die with us
neither one of us inclined to end war time crimes "In God We Trust"

Allowing these thoughts to spin into chaos
twisting the loss into a storm cloud of rot
for all of the spinning the progress stopped

and laid stagnant the eye of the storm funneling madness
right into the sweet spot of my joy like magnets
sticking to my soul like deaths sweet kisses
the deafening screams but no one seemed to listen...

as the light got pulled from my sight tonight
my brother laid dead in the street tonight...

...But you didn't think about that...

Before you smiled and spat before the scab healed over my graveyard tat
you sat back and laughed and grabbed at heart string facts

but don’t know what to call 'em...
Justice is this... Click... Clock... I Got 'em...
all of these tears but lord I don't want 'em...
so I let my heart ink from thoughts of rock bottom.

I let you think I scribed then forgot 'em
I write sheets to breeze along my senses
I write to keep myself from going senseless
I write to hear when my heart won't listen
I write to let go... move on... be forgiven...

Beauty In Death

Alright pops... I know you can't speak with me... Well... at least not on this frequency... But let me speak about me and how your absence left me... Walking through life aimlessly...


Yeah... I've lied... I've fought...

I've left all my good thoughts to rot in the compost pile of forgotten smiles and still I stand...

Breathing deep the aroma for awhile as I contemplate my current situation
on the proverbial plate of my current station...

I laugh at the tears as they drip from the waste
and I taste the fears as they leak from her face
and I feel the burn of a long winded race
as I chase feathers into the recess of fate...

Chase but never catch,
create but never last,
the past will last as long as
the shame of past mishaps

sing a song for the infamy
rising up inside of me
destroying me entirely
and yes I miss him direly...

But what can you do?
God saw fit to take his breath from you...

now all that’s left is the dew drops on scattered ashes
the salty wetness on sheets and mattresses
a picture of you is a reflection of madness

and the night time screaming dreaming haunts replaying memories once burned and forgot...

And yeah... I've lived... I've cried...

So now I leave all my good thoughts to die in the compost pile of forgotten smiles and still I stand...

Waiting for someone to help me understand
is there really no justice? no holy reprimand?

by painting loosely framed pictures from "truth" derived from scripture
when there's a living beast inside of me feeding quicker
I need to breathe so I chose the lesser of two evils...
Egotistical... or the flesh and blood of His stolen steeple...

c'mon people lets welcome the reaper
and stand fast with hearts at half mast
take all of the blind faithless to task
and remember what we came for...

Seek a little truth through metaphor and inspire,
climb high and aspire to new heights and retire
when our hearts of fire grow heavy with time and make ready...

For unchartered waters through deep seas of blind imagining and let your soul sing...

So yeah... I've sinned... And I breathe...

As I leave all my thoughts to grieve in a compost pile of deep imagining and still I stand... Still I sing...

What Did I Do?

How does one ever begin to convey the feelings of loss of destruction today...

I've leapt I've dived I've ripped my heart out and died
for the feeling of dismissal the indifferent missile like deaths razor sharp sickle
I don’t understand all the needless reprimand
or how you can stand to walk off with a man

knowing I'm held back holding out son as a ward against attack...
It’s the truth... A cold honest fact...
That between me and you I've got it good I've got it bad...
Jealous beyond the boundaries of demands...

No ring on your finger... No truth to my promise...
I just thought after it all you'd be honest
but I cannot expect, demand, or regard
The flawed nature of your being walking the side of the boulevard.

Because really? What the fuck did I do?...
Other than swallow the jagged pill stand up and stay true...
What did I do beside give my life to you?

This is all just a dream a fucking nightmare...
The image of you and of her... I need to repair...
I'm lost on my own... And you control my spirit
wake me when my good deeds suddenly have merit...
Cant stand but to share it I tried not to scare it...
Just stood, gritted my teeth and bared it...
I'd like to let it all loose... But I choose to despair it...
After the facts too late don’t know if I can mirror it...

I fear all of it but sit back and quit
the rise of the tide inside my minds jealous side....
Because I don’t have the right no engagement in sight...
I'm a fucking donor... The creator of life but in life there are 23 chromosomes pushed to the side...

This ride goes on too long for me to just hide...
Set me on a path of unforgiving mass... I traveled down at last after your time came to pass...

And don’t hear me...

Oh no whatever you do don’t hear me...

Let me be the whispers that gnaw at your pride
let me be the reason you stood up and lied
let me be the tears that fell when you cried
and let me be the knife for a life of suicide...

Band-Aids for Heart

Some times I feel taken for granted
which I guess is the cost of being a hopeless romantic
I get frantic at the thought of us creating static
or making a bad habit out of the emotionally tragic

its sad to last this long and go down with out a fight
years of loving you... All destroyed in one night...
Two souls in a hurricane stumbling forward just to get blown back
and it’s a fact that the passion we had could last all night
just to wake in the morning and it go out like a light.
In my mind we are two halves of the same dime
tight rope walking along the edges of both lines
coin flipping to mirror the image of same sides…
indifferent whispers of "yes love… its fine"

I can't take this stress... this cold heartedness...
the push back of black indifference has me vexed
beyond imagining white flags and black gag's keep the soul from singing
wake me demon I'm sure my love is dreaming
comatose romance silently screaming
out to you echoing along the edges of NOT-A-DAMN THING
but me heavily breathing...

The resentment is evident displaying a prevalence of silent nights like Christmas
how long before one of us says we're not with it? Walk away now forget this... lets end this quick
before its too late to accept this...

Its not fair. Its not right. To keep these kids awake all night...
wishing for a band aid for the heart…
so they can repair the damage before it all falls apart…
isn't it funny… how a in the mind of a child…
the thoughts are powerful and yet so wild
a band aid fixes everything…
peroxide and gauze
a quick kiss to move on with just cause...
or maybe we could all walk it off… eat a little ice cream. That'll fix everything...

right daddy?... Right daddy? right... daddy….?...

Wild minds slip off to bleak dream rocked to sleep by broken glass, love lost, and screaming...

My Pen Drippings... (...I'm Sorry...)

Another day to make shame fade before day…

the light shines a little brighter but is it enough to ease the suffering from past mishaps and shitty circumstance?

Time my only friend now... letting the embers die and the passion cool... the memories fade as new news, new drama, and busy bee blunders of the human race continue to ebb away at my own misfortune...

My eye lids close to the still dark shadows of my thoughts as they tumble across my heart like crowns of thorns... blowing breezily across the icy remains of my good intentions. Sinful living grinding like gravel across any vision I had of simple living...

Blinding me to the reality of my own personal tragedy... a book I write myself... a mental diatribe I'm living by right now...

how utterly ironic how an intelligent chaotic destroys himself with the neurotic impulses of an insecure heart…

...didn't I listen? Haven't I studied?...

...Should I not understand the suffering I place myself in...

remove the mask of the executioner only to discover the task was dealt by my hands gazing at the mirror of past I see the missteps I chose to take off the path…

why do I understand but tap out to the pain, the anger, the shifting rage of my turned over page… is it not the same as the teachings that god gave...

...I'm a hypocrite...

...self sacrifice on the alter of ego I hurt...

...But... Destroy... Only... Me...

tearing out my own heart I place it on top of old photos, dusty memories, and forgotten storm clouds the haze of the profound obscures my hindsight like ear plugs for sound.

Cold empty nothing in the pit of my stomach... something lingers in the chilly night time... wanting to tear my sanity away from me...

Mistakes to make a martyr of good intentions for the sake of fate I won't try and relate to suicidal bait but I just can't shake it...

These feelings of regret, of remorse, of recourse for another morsel of smiles faked and forced... My Pen Drippings Dipped In Blood beating its last course as I write the words dressed in red...

...And I'm Sorry...

...I'm Sorry...

...I'm Sorry...

GET OFF!!!

I'm unapproachable, mentally poached, get coached or get run over by my metaphorical roller coaster

like burnt toast I'm as dry as Arizona coast, while Quenching the Thirst of Life like rope around a throat and no I won’t choke I go for broke by picking a fight with the written language exacerbating my Problems in Pronunciation

bitch this wasn't a misprint!

just A Whole Bag of Swagg for an entire nation... This is my proclamation... I'm makin'... like a remote control... I'm changin' stations… turn up the volume just to hear you hatin'... I'm on Top Of Reality Mountain... you bitches free basin'...

and I don't know what you may have heard about me... but I'm Swinging on an Empty Vine within' the bowels of my insanity

by Singing with the Wind to the beat of my personal history... By allowing my purpose to be a Burmuda Try-Angle design that I can never see

because I'm like A Heart without Blood a beat with no future my lines remain a testament to nature over nurture

I maintain my hatred of all Saints of Sin... profit from the living while still expectin' heaven… just Another Sexual Perspective... a perversion of the eclectic... I can't believe they let them... get away with their moletestin... leaving me second guessin these holy water blessin's... leaving me to question these red lettered lessons...

...This is the part where my thoughts break down... left to rot in silence when no one else is around... let me fill the void of your soul like circus clowns… when they are Up To No Good…

Don’t fuck with me I'm psycho... performing drive by's on unicycles while drinking Nyquil... that’s just how I roll... and when I lose control... Chinese calculus couldn’t calculate the death toll... and even though revenge is a dish best served cold... its my greatest wish to give it back to you 10 fold

I attack you with a metaphor... in order to defeat you in my school of thought... I'd start with the ABC's and move on to building blocks... psychopathic criminal bombing preschools of rot taking out all of you sitting under one roof you got caught

just calm down…

and give my lines a fair shot to make your body rock...

like a lyrical dragon spittin fire hotter than wasabi sauce... I'll send you your w2... Mother fucker I'M the boss that you wouldn't wanna cross... and if you think you might get sick… just take your lip from the end of my bic and GET OFF

American Dreamer

A new page a new day new rage we gotta pay attention and listen to all the bitchin and moanin of announcers on radio shows dictating how my morning goes… drink some coffee to drown my woes im in the throws of those that just don’t know how real life goes... So here we go... A little bit of truth in a cup no sugar and no creamer here is a story of how I used to be an American dreamer...

Trapped in the bracket of 30 to 50k attacks too little to be ok… too much to for a stimulus package… I'm trapped in mediocrity... Traffic got me savagely pursuing dreams not based upon reality...

Thank you government for making this a great time to get fired... I should expire my career and retire... Maybe I should flash my dick at my boss real quick watch him shit a brick of money right before he fires me yeah that’s funny... Coast on unemployment... For 6 months all the while someone else foots the bill for my life style ... Sit back and smile... They gonna extend my benefits for an extra few miles as I pretend to get a job online yeah I could do that and be fine... As American's drink the blood of their work force like wine... I worked hard and got a raise but when it came time to get paid I made less cash after the government came... Because ...

I'm trapped in the bracket of 30 to 50k attacks too little to be ok… too much to for a stimulus package… I'm trapped in mediocrity... Traffic got me savagely pursuing dreams not based upon reality...

Maybe I can sling rock on the street to make ends meet give my kids some socks and keep new shoes on their feet... Many consider this thought for the weak... But those mother fuckers don't live in my reality. A single father family you can't fathom my catastrophe I'm resigned to be and designed to be... Diligent. Finger prints on blue prints planning my next trip to wic praying to God I don’t get sick because one little slip and that’s the end of it precariously balanced on the edge of the economy existing in a nation of dichotomy... Because...

I'm trapped in the bracket of 30 to 50k attacks too little to be ok… too much to for a stimulus package… I'm trapped in mediocrity... Traffic got me savagely pursuing dreams not based upon reality...

Egoic Kaleidoscope

Tired of my pen being corrupted in the name of egoic pride
I choose to survive by the vibes that I live by
inside of my mind I deliver my word in good time

and normally...

it comes out just fine…
but lately…
things have been a little less saintly...

and all my castles crumbled on wet ink,
painting pictures as shattered dreams escape me

silent screams of misery take me to new designs of cryptic creating that mirror the same things depicted when making an ass of yourself while doing great things...

Cuz you see...

I've walked down the road of good intentions only to receive a rash from the back lash of self righteous indignation coming to task on my ass...

Haha "Pride" it seems... Is still a 'lie' I can't 'truth' away...

Still a beast I struggle to keep caged as it feasts on the morality that god gave...

Why I gotta be better?
When I was just fine before I had you to compare...
How is my work less polished?
How is my shine a little dimmer?

When I was at my best when I was by myself,

spinning in black holes
grinning at death like we just met and...
sinning my life away...

On that slip and slide of life with two kaleidoscopes over my eyes pressed tight...

(As I am the observer of beautiful forms...)

My binoculars to another world sliding at night... Faster and faster... Feel wet water and sun light

licking my senses as I pass from one world to the next...

...With a grin on my face...

How's that taste?

As I grant you images of Denis the Menace's sliding and slipping along your senses with thought forms and sentences...

Collide-OH-scoping 2 worlds eloping when you join me on my journey of me...

...Just for a little while we can be free...
...But only a moment and no more...

The journey down my slip and slide can leave your ass sore
as you bump and bounce and slide some more...

Down the path that isn't yours... Until you collide with an onyx door...

Can you survive my metaphor? Good. Because the ride has come to an end and you are faced with a choice my friends...

Open... Or ...Go

we all come to the clearing at the end of the path the ride was fun but could not last as all of our scars are windows to past until we are transparent incased in glass...

Even the clearing is fun for awhile
replaying dreams to remember and smile

but sooner or later we come to the choice...
Fade to nothing a dream on your voice...

...or erase the past...

...Enter...

...and...

.............................................................................................................................................

Biblical Rape... What Can I Say?

I won't spend long on the haters I already got your bodies stacked up cuz you got smacked up and cracked the fuck up I car jacked ya while you were dyin' in an ambulance yeah I was that bad to ya

I passed ya like we was playin pole position you get a few stars but im a fuckin' solar system so bitch listen

I'm stephen hawking and this is my theory of rhythmic musing this is my mission in an alphabet of my choosing I'm abusing the right to free speech I speak volumes of truth for those who seek, who breathe, who live to achieve the right to be free or just individually BE

....|||| ....

imagine you’re a robber on a snatch and grab and I'm the father with 3 kids and a glad bag I slide it over your black mask and have you gasp and grab at my hand wont leave it to the courts for a reprimand and have you released to plan another attack on true American's fuck the terrorists in Afghanistan we got killers right here in our "Promised" lands you understand? Got Damn

....|||| ....

Or think about the little boys growing up in convents and used like little toys thinking it was God's choice coming from the voice of those vigorously employed by the sinless steeple of God's chosen people the keepers of evil the deceiver of believers wearing black sleepers and bleached collars imprisoned to your old bitch your DOG-ma as you touch and corrupt imposing as a father to the bastard children of God's followers...

And GOVERNMENT how the fuck did they go without punishment? And no one stopped to throw a fit? Just move them to a secluded convent and that’s the end of it? Hahaha ya'll mutha fuckas a trip... But you can still get bent or get bit by the poisonous tip of my pen and eat shit with a shovel right before I use it to bury the corruptible

....||||....

What? Did what I say stir up trouble, burst your bubble, leave your beliefs swimming in rubble? Look in my eyes with your hand out see if I give a shit... I meant every bit of it just give me the pro-molesting side of the argument and I'll quit… let you have your 2 cents to vent as I place pennies over your lids to pay the boat man his tip for the long trip to Hades live in flame after you make like Kirk Kobain and drain all of your life away... what the fuck else can I say??...

hahahaha

Painting Pictures

Redemption for the ignorant I wouldn’t have spent one minute on this shit without knowing my need to repent the nonsense and dis-spell the bulshyt

because if my pen doesn’t ring true to me then I'm through with poetry cant coach me or approach me to pen out scribes laced with lies when my ink writes from deep inside of me...

A mirror pool of pain reflecting my mind in vain knowing you wouldn’t listen but it’s all the same as my thoughts are still pretending there is a line between sinful living and the scribes I keep on penning...

There is no winning, no reward, no prize that g's is giving just a free piece of me served in a three piece on sheets of bloodied paper dressed to kill stressed I will instill the aroma of truth like pills for a coma

I got my diploma in free speech a graduate of misery, heart break, and infamy... hatred don't speak to me... let me be free in formless seas as I breathe...

as I breathe...

and I breathe deep the imagining and I sing to the holy trinity as if it were a part of me... Even though its apart from me... I start to see...

the benefits of a truth in ignorance...

A painted picture for the blind to read in scripture a fixture to see the truth inside of fiction but the definition is lacking the essence of expression giving the impression that your beliefs need direction when this is all just an infection of madness...

An ignorant truth to keep the sheep from sadness as they walk down their paths to salvation a nation with a bad habit needing a middle man to help them understand it

but the price of a souls inflation can be measured by a societies degradation as the broker fees for your sinful needs break the bonds of infamy and rest squarely on the devils knees as all the believers are receivers of a spanking...

Who dies without regret? Who passes without remorse? Who follows their course without eating more than their 4 courses with reasonable recourse?

Painted pictures finding loop holes in nature if you can't read it why not fake it?... I'd rather take the bull by the horns and remake it and fuck money... I'd rather be funny and imagine the devil as a fat bunny...

Hell... since we're finger painting why make Satan the essence of hatred? Why not rainbows, and pots of gold, women only 18 years old, and fresh beer that’s cold... As long as you're painting pictures... why not be bold?

I Speak Evil (Lyrical Ignorance Part III)

Like a frozen turd you heard bitch this 'shit is cold'...

a little more metaphor I found my pen heartless in a blizzard and left butt naked by an ice wizard killed by chillie willie and raped by Jack Frost without a condom on with a prosthetic pair of witches titties strapped on this shit is long gone its way passed wrong… if wrong was a flavor of ice cream served in Antarctica...

that fly girl that just wont talk wit ya…

bitch you better have a slick wit or this pen is comin' to stick it in ya mind bend ya over and over again my lines spin ya

like cocaine in your brain my self proclaimed prophecy to blame when you were here in name only

a poetic phony, a fraudulent fake, a photoshoped copy you tried to be but you're NOT me and if you don't like me then bitch DROP me

hit the ignore button or somethin' move on gruntin' im stuntin' with my slick bic roller ballin' killin' all of ya'll like the boulder from Indiana Jones its over… or maybe just O-V because you'll be in E-R when I come through slowly flattening your lines with mine

your rhymes were straight laced I'm pennin' mace to your face you cant see me or taste the motha fuckin' flavor now make haste with your alphabet waste or you gonna be late to the onyx gates of hate

There's just no stoppin' me...

Pennin' off the top of my rock I wont stop to unblock your cock from Tu Pac's HIPs and definitely not the HOP as all you bunny rabbits start a bad habit out of eatin' carrots from the claws of a predator...

I'm el matador of this experiment killin syllaBULLs and BULLshit ill never quit when this worlds so full of hypocrites and I'll be the first to admit this is ignorant but the intelligent shit just wasn’t a fit for this chick I'm pissed...

just don’t start somethin' bitch if you ain't prepared to finish it.

I'm about to do the flutterwagon on your ass I'm Mad Hatter... I had her...you're in wonderland and how sad...Cuz Realities gonna sting when it crash lands on your ass and I'm glad... open up your blind eyes to an understanding you never had and how is a raven like my pen hand you ask? I put a little Poe in my poetry you've been had...

I'm a riddler with no answer the word dancer I hurt slow but bitch I write faster my stanzas are so fuckin' bad they cause cancer be careful the surgeon generals comin' hear that snare drummin'? better start runnin' I just don’t care cousin... Leave me with nothing and I still got more than a pair of you fuckin' dirty bakers dozens

You fakers wasn't makin' nothin' of a difference until I take your sentence and subtract the facts from your tracks you got catarax if you think you'll see me lookin back at ya I'll eat your lies and spit it back at ya scribble out the truth and bitch slap ya while im in a straight jacket im the insane mack attack on the comeback from flack and you spit whack shit.

But let me redeem me with a little post script to my floetry... My ignorance in motion to calm loving oceans and seas of deep imagining I breathe... And I breathe... And I breathe...

To Be Continued....

Reflecting Anger (Lyrical Ignorance Part II)

I'm tired of all of these pussy poet queefs
who think the shit that comes outta their mouths don’t stink
when your pen is weak
don't call that ink
just turn the other cheek and leave
be diseased and DIE SLOW

your words won't blow
you just don’t know
what it takes to show
a little fuckin integrity

ill shit on you haters
like butt sex while you're constipated
you'll never make it…
I fucked these pages young like Kobe

ain't heard of me yet
but goddamn it you'll know me
before this pen gets old and out grows me
I'll infect you bitches like STD's then make your wife blow me!

My inks run cold B
don’t pretend that you know me
I'm off my rocker...
fucked up enough to give your grandmamma the shocka

like cocaine and baking soda I'll rock ya
you'll need the spirit of god to keep me off ya
CV so alphabetically improper
writing stanzas ill sing my ABS's to the rhythms of me stompin ya,

A to the face
B another taste
C will erase

any memories of you dissin me…
one erotic drop and you wont stop kissin me…
reprogram your thoughts to walk and talk like an agnostic Tupac in anarchy…

I'll have you writin for me
my zombies of me on strings
you wont breathe when you leaves g's
to be free from me or maybe...

you were just a little too quick to pen…
think quick or your shit might get kicked again
stay the fuck off my dick and then
there's a possibility that we can be friends again...

as soon as you clean up my rubble
remove the hair from your knuckles
stand up straight pull your pants up and buckle
walk off this beating and stay the fuck outta trouble.

With every word I write you force my pen...

I feel so unevolved
nothing can be resolved
when I write so uninvolved
with the problems in life that I caused…

make no mistake there is no right here… only wrong... this ink forces my spirit to grieve and leave and now...

...long gone...

Sexually Addicted To YOU

Am I diseased?
Am I sick softened by wanting so often?
A deviant...
A sick trick
who needs to get over it
And change…
made lame by playing a never ending game of shame

Disappointment the ointment
that greases the wheels
of a truck load of broken hearts
tear me apart from your silence
or roll over in violence and dream on…

No denying the passion is gone
how can I be wrong
when its been so long since... We kissed
With any deliverance of flame...
touch being taken out of context
as you place blame
together in name
it'll never be the same as the time
I looked into your eyes
and saw the world laid before me
and the pain of the road left behind me
a contrast that didn’t last
a promise that time tested
and failed to pass
this shit went by way too fast
how can I say this you ask?
When the best sex we ever had
was on broken glass...
Don’t be crass
I'll go 50/50 on your ass and split it
what would make you think that I was good with it?

Displaying lethargy no passion ...

I panic... go schizophrenic … Laura Marling, I'm manic & 'I' just can't stand it but I really gotta hand it to you I won't demand it and you know I gotta have it I'm an attic to this static take me to rehab to keep me outta those pants...

but sometimes this shit is whack…

Gotta put my name tat on your back and do me...

Its Just.
Too much.
For us.
To let.
This trust.
Go bust.
We must.
Give up.
Enough.
Of us.
To let.
Our love.
Rise above.
This lust.
And be free…

Roller Coaster Holocaust

We are all so concerned over effect instead of the cause
Why face our demons when we can blame it on god?
He killed my brother just to test my faith
Lets recoil from the truth before its too late...

Rescinding to dream I scream for a reality without cream
Without the need for greed just the ability to feed my seed
I chose a design that's mine to see a picture looked on blindly
And it works just fine for me, with versatility I see that we will never be free
From thought based realities intertwined within infinities

And from the corners of my mind marked by slit wrists...
I will break through the borders of my thoughts like split wigs

From the scars imprinted upon my heart like war paint
I thought I could deliver myself from reason but no I can't

The truth… as it is seen… is too tasty to let my heart leave
The safety net of my reasoning into the formless mix of my inner being

I look beyond… but is seeing really believing?
Or just more lies to wake up from... Dreaming
My near sighted eyes shut tight to see 20/20
envisioning love instead of money I find it funny
that in the shadows of my minds most abysmal failings…
I never see the lack in the wake of life... Trailing
Behind me like a white flag screaming "catch me to enslave me..."
these thought forms were sent to fake and remake me…
separate me… from the clarity I once knew as a baby... Its crazy
How even as a child I knew no angel would save me
Just more demons in thought forms I've created
An egoic nature and a failure to escape them
A human existence with a soul for the raping

The ride goes on… but somebody take me
Off of this roller coaster holocaust
on a one way track but still I'm lost
Within shinning smiles of lies embossed
upon a society of criss crossed Christians enduring sinful living
on public access stations aired across nations…

promoting a saint wearing gold paint
on gold chains emboldened to flame
our true god becomes gold idols on coffee tables
and choking the necks of false profits…
ignorant gods living in madness
trapped within the daily habit of daily sadness
and I've been on the ride too long…

I can't stand this…

it was fun for awhile so exciting I smiled until tired...
Someone stop the ride I tried to hang on to long...
I'm spiritually fried inside of my mind

I cried out to you... but I Heard... Only... Me...

I'm free! From thought based realities, disease, and the desire to be free...
From running thoughts resembling dark rushing seas of brief reprieves...
No longer will I suffer the indignity of your holy trinity

when the result is forcing me to be...

Good like you...
Or bad like me...

You See?

They called it programming lol

I drive… do you drive?
Hypocrisy runs rampant in lies
flying to protests in airplane lined skies
how can any of us dare to deny
the blames on all our shoulders…
we drive and pelicans die...
we shed a few tears
then off to work we drive to survive.
But protesting negligence
wont solve any of this shit...
You drove to a protest?
About oil drilling negligence... Really?
That’s like protesting mickie d's
for promoting obesity...
While eating a big mac double meat
and add cheese... Bitch please...
How can you bring the sea turtles back
with hypocrisy unchecked
its not an accusation just cold honest fact...
If we didn’t drive then they wouldn’t drill
everyone of us is looking for a need to fulfill
and some one to pay for it
turn me into a slave for pay checks...
Stained decks...
And houses full of entertainment sets.
Rock your children to sleep by the glow of "sin"
but instead of S-I-N
I spell it C-N-N
because where does all of this hatred stem?
if not in the subconscious dreams of America's children
falling asleep in the arms of frightened citizens
while we wage war on domestic terrorism.
God Bless America but fuck the government
these greasy politicians can suck my fucking dick
turn the gulf of Mexico into an oil slick
then promote your terror while America is watchin it
40 people died by suicide in spite of it
this is why we cant deny the lives we forfeited
Media promoting to a state of ignorance

"GO HOME EVERYONE! AMERICAN IDOL STARTS AT 7PM CENTRAL BE THERE OR BE SQUARE! DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN HE IS OF NO RELEVANCE TO YOUR INTERNAL HAPPINESS... EAT MCDONALDS... RELAX IN FRONT OF YOUR SETS... RELIEVE YOUR STRESS SO YOU CAN GOTO WORK THE NEXT DAY AT YOUR BEST! THIS COUNTRY CAN'T AFFORD FOR YOU TO MISS A CHECK... WE GOT TERROR TO PROMOTE... AHEM... I MEAN PREVENT...."

Fucked Over

I dream of a time...
I'm free from my mind…
since I designed this crime
My thoughts are stolen by a rhyme

Just a test of my testament...
sooo arrest me bitch...
you can't do nothing since
I came to flame I climbed the fence

Black walls are slowly closing in...
that’s the way with sin...
I struggle to get over them
inside my mind I never win cause

Forgiveness is for the weak...
Relive this for my sweet...
nightmare only stares
still stuck on a losin' streak

Damn you for how you treated me
I only came to see...
that the very air you breath
is polluted with the taste of me

Now get the fuck away from me
my killer eyes see everything
fuck this stress you gave to me
I cant believe you lied to me

For all this shit you'll rot in hell
for all I'll miss I just won't care
even though you were never there
the void is felt by a soul laid bare

And If the road to hell was paved with good intentions…
then I stand in flames after stepping on shitty women

And if every cloud has a silver lining
then I'm still waiting for my darkest thoughts to start their shining

And if there really is a man behind the emerald curtain…
I'll hold onto all my prayers until I know what's certain...

I Picture... I Cast Away

Paint me a picture…
Brush strokes passing consciousness
Mental By Ways of dark essence
Whispers that meet, converge, that touch
Dreaming mind I want you, seek you, hold on to you
Far too much…
And its such… a pleasure every measure of song
Dark rhythms are a treasure that forever my wrongs

Just because you were nice to me…
Meeting me, greeting me, into your day dreams it was nice to see
A being so full of energy wrapped in rhythmic mystery
Destroying my sanity with your poetic mastery

Laughing as you fed off my heart
reached in my soul and tore it apart
Used the remains to wipe blood from your face
Then kissed my lips with a lyricists taste

Just a picture a reminder to take with you
Just an idea for you to contemplate
Relive the memory of every mans fate
I feel nothing… so I can't call it rape

I see the truth in the flames of burning bodies
I smell the life as its burned from all society
I see the lies etched on smiling faces
I taste the pain of the entire congregation

But I still don't feel you…
I still can't hear you
I refuse to kneel to you
But still I want to be near you
Dear to you, and I fear you too

Because the nights get shorter in summer
The light that beckons from the love of another
Casting my dreams to the seas of the formless
Keeping the creators paint in a state of amorphous

Erasing the chaste with petrichor taste
God bleeds the waste of humanities fate
From the tip of my creating pencil
Footnotes to Gods notes making shit simple

Knowledge only weakens my resolve
I revolve around the voices involved
Dreaming, Screaming, puzzles unsolved
The way these nightmares evolved
Expanding to nothing...
Demanding of nothing...
Understanding leaving me
As all of my dreams cast out to formless seas...

Washed Away

I cast stones at myself for doing nothing
For wasting my heart, my truth, my madness
Late night walks that never ended
Wandering mind trailing
Footsteps put distance from sadness
Tear drops flooding my thoughts
Washed away by, solidified by, my trailing mind, I
Cry out to darkness… soul sailing on prevailing highs
Take my heart I despise the tide rising inside my eyes
Set me apart from the light, the warmth, the skies
Its sick... this joke… the sunrise so thick with lies
Why not destroy slowly, all of this silent knowing
Assassins of light, killers of God, forces of slowing
Empty bottles and roaches, sin in seamed into wet dreams
Subconscious attacks, unperfected devil of honorable metal
My soul breathes the exhalation of a killers hesitation
Relishing the moment of brief reprieve
Walking along shores with darks seas
Footprints washed away by a moments hesitation...

Heart Full Of Vengeance...

Why do I try to cry out to a blinded mind
I'm love shy struck by the childish designs of I
Screaming by my dreaming mind waving bye
To your love drive by as you hit me hard with closed eyes
Surprise! I fell for your lies but out of ashes I will arise
To counteract in kind with a vengeful mind you'll find
In time that the shivers on your spine are mine…

I didn’t ask for perfect and honestly the slick shit
Never crossed my mind but how could I design
Or predict the lines on slit wrists bitch you threw a fit
Now come off it you lost it you fostered in a new kid
And he wasn't mine but still I climbed to new heights
You proved me right with blank stares and loose lips
Cant believe I stooped to this level I'm stupid
Where was cupid when I went though this bullshit to prove it …

I just fucked you with my BIC I'm pissed
the anger adds up too much to list
you say you quit but come back
so masochistic its sick
I draw upon your senses then end
the pleasure quick
I fixed your drink
with a little bit of sadistic kill quick I meant it
just check the volume when I spill all of this shit
ill end your life quick, pouring quick-crete on your feet
I'll meet you in heaven when I lose to life's beat
rhythmically rocking senses to deep sleep
your lines are cheap how can I keep
my composure when its over putting feelings
to pen definitions to sin where do I begin
to attack your morally self righteous mind
inside of my grind…

Haha

Don’t worry I haven't lost it I'm fine
At least after I drink your blood like fine wine
Just like your ass was Jesus Christ
I've been blinded twice how could I miss…
I feel like the abused wife with 2 black eyes
its nice to find true romance returned in kind
but to the divine mind the shit is worthless…
I'll give my penance to slit wrists, poetic misfits, the misunderstood,
and the quick to kill bitches for illicit miscreance

now there's my 2 cents spend it on a personality or fixed width…

...Bitch.

You don't fuckin' know me...

Ash Angels

I made snow angels out of the ashes
Manifested by our burned out passion
a fire that’s hard wired
into the collective mind
of gods pure design…
love burned and wasted
wanting it so bad I can taste it
a relationship stating
that we finally made it
despite the times
we were forced to fake it
paint on a smile
and carry on awhile
with weights on our ankles
treading water
until we both drown each other
because neither one of us trusts the other
a father and a mother
with doubts about another
a hidden love undercover…
is it true… is she mine…?
or am I the naïve one with a love struck mind?
I've never been the kind of guy
to sit back and wonder why
the punishment never fit the crime
but as long as there is doubt
It will be hard to find
that feeling of perfection
the divine answer
to the questioning mind…
ill just stay on my grind…
bidding my time...
until I can feel this world again…
until I can be my friend again…
one last time.

Granuals

So what now?
Time comes and goes leaving us in the throws of aging woes
without the capacity to know how much we individually have grown…
taking a look in the mirror to show

my own eyes how quickly the fires died inside my mind I grind
my sanity down to fine granules inside the hourglass becoming sands of time
that flow to the bottom of my soul and roll out of existence with the force of a dying sun
screaming to the depths of dark waters and manifesting into pearls inside the mouths of shadows

until the gleaming nightmares of a dying memory
wake me from my night time revelry
stealing the light from inside of me
until the very thought of happiness is blind to me

but just before the darkness settles in my mind I see
the last granules of a smile disappear forever into the dark waters of my imagining
leaving me
in an amnesiac state of dreaming
longing to be free
from all that’s left within me...

I See You God

So much rage and pain inside
I don’t know why I fade before day
nothing to say but stay away

a lonely heart cant hate
and an angry mind only sates
itself on the misery of the pure

I couldn’t tell you I'm really not sure
how I hooked my life on the lure
fishing in the dark waters of my own existence
I only seek redemption from penance
but pull out hatred in the semblance
of a ghost who wanders the shores of my thoughts
laying to rot all the good things I sought
and with all the old man has taught
he forgot to mention that wisdom cant be bought
only sold to the lowest bidder as I take another shot
I sold my wisdom to Jose and Jack to crown royal and pot
begging for ignorance to make my thoughts stop

how am I supposed to be happy when you made me this smart
exchanging my heart for an intellect from the start
old man I think you made a mistake
as I remake my fate I try and relate
to a deity that invented hate without any debate
from the inhabitants of your habitat

what kind of shit is that?

I think creationism needs an edit button
I think I need to see you DO somethin'

Its not all your fault though...
There is plenty of evidence suggested to us
that we as humans don't know what's best for us
but why are you constantly testing us?
Setting us up in front of a moving bus
only to be silent as we slowly lose trust
in a religion that’s gone bust
but believe in you I must
because you made the devil when you created us...

I see you God I know you're there
its not that I don’t believe
I just don’t think you care

Insignificant

I'm crippled by an honest nature
watching liars and fakers
become the movers and shakers
of a world that’s never met its maker

in this life there are givers and takers
smiling at nothing and crying at everything
and what do I bring to a table of kings
attended by dogs that snap at scraps
with full bellies and life on tap

what can I possibly offer that?
Just my 2 cents perhaps...

If the pathway to happiness included a map
I would ignore the dollar signs and take my heart back
because all of the money stacks
wouldn’t keep me from feeling the lack
wouldn’t stop the attack
of an honest heart gone black

so what's left but to smile with tread marks on my face
what's left but to savor the taste
of gutter water exclaiming yes that’s great!

You give shit and I take it
but only because I refuse to fake it
id rather mold the formless and remake it
then sit back and pretend that you was truth when you ain't shit

I'd rather eat my meal with saints of the void
then watch you dine with kings and be destroyed…
Shed my definitions, thought forms, and toys
While you play men and die like little boys

Where's the fun in a life that’s gone twisted
How could I have come this far and still missed it?
This is just the start of a purposeless existence
When there is no heart to fight off the semblance
Of a world in chaos living off fake redemption
Maybe God forgot or maybe failed to mention
knowledge can be learned but you cant teach wisdom
That we make up this world in our visions
Based upon the integrity of our intentions

Forever

I look upon you
Take your soul by desire
And stay forever

Chasing Dreams In The Night

Running from the image of you
chasing a dream so dark
it seems the light is escaping
leaping shadows
pass in front of my heart
making me doubt
the existence of dawn

because its been so long...
since I looked into honest eyes.

been so long...
since I've seen clear skies.

and its been so long...
since I felt your surprise.

when all love has ever been
was a clever disguise
for rage building inside
corrupting our hearts and minds
blinding us to the irony

of our catastrophe
the beauty and the mastery
of life's intricately woven tapestry
and fraying at the ends of my sanity

is my desire to be set free
from the demons that haunt me
images from a past that forgot me...

PLEASE GOD GET THEM OFF ME!

I just want to be...

...ALONE...

...alone...

All I hear are the echoes
of the dripping of memories
pooling and shifting...
draining....
into the very being of me...

whispers of clearing skies
whispers of love and giving
all my believing meaning
while I search beyond scars and seeing
that there is nothing here worth keeping
just forward moving leaving
needless junk in heaping
piles of tears, hopes, and bleeding...
Who needs them?
I stagger forward toward
a dim ray of light
while shadows pass
crossing my sight
head bent forward
I tread on dark night
never stumbling in my fight

...boxing shadows in my flight...
...away from you...
...while chasing my dreams in the night....

...Draining...

I'm just a Virgo chaotic poet
devoted to my own words
that surged through the gateway
of my own mind unheard
by the pen that spilled ink...
I never really took the time to think
if these lines stink
or soared to new brinks...
I'm just trying to avoid shrinks
and drink to the harmonious vibes that blink
in and out of my mind then sink
to new depths I never thought my lines could reach
I push free speech to allow missteps and misspeaks
because I always found that perfection is boring
always ignoring the beauty of mystique
by lack of creative entropy
my lines like lives are always survived
by conniving wives
and I'm lucky to be alive with all this hype
lucky that you and I wasn't the right type
2 sets of chromosomes 9 months and one night
am I only here to walk through fire?
dance through your flames and smile
3rd degree burns only hurt awhile
compared to the acid in my throat the bile
from having to stare back at your lying smile...

but its ok... I can take it...

put on a smile of my own and fake it
slip the nightmare over my sight, remake it
this feeling of deceiving I just cant shake it
what little trust I had in love is now fading

...but like I said... It will be ok...

maybe you will love me tomorrow
like you did yesterday

maybe all of this sorrow
will melt and drain away

maybe I'll fade...
...changing...

...finding a new wave length
to use and sail away...

...Maybe...

Pull String Clown

Once upon a time I felt
A seething hatred dressed in silk
I spent too much time dreaming
night time quakes images seething
Frozen memories trapped within insanity
Raw nightmares naked with no vanity
Taunting fellow dreamers haunts
Leaving only the dead to question
Consciousness with a poor connection

Winking away pain
Only to resurface
With better clarity
A charity held
For my good dreams
Barely enough
To fill one cup
Runeth over on rugs
Staining the floor
With bright red blood
An ocean a flood
Solidifying my reality in mud
And tear drops dropping
There's no stopping
the thoughts when they come
just the sadistic quick
emotionally equipped
to strip
all of my life away

What can I say?
Spoken words can't keep
Demonic thoughts at bay
I want to run away
But sooner or later
My head will have to lay
Eyes sewn shut
By visual men of sand
Sprinkling bad memories
Erasing the conscious "I am"

Dark Lullabies tempting
Silky sirens unrelenting

"The whispers come louder
when my thoughts are hazy
the taunts and the laughter
when they say I'm crazy...
I collapsed on the path

...the road to no where's fading...

I manifested these thoughts
that came to enslave me"

AHHHH

Bouncing off walls with black paint
With quaint little hieroglyphs
Shifting and bending
Contorting into unfriendly images
No 666 its just different
Than minds sickened
by nightmare conditions
Drifting off to insanity quick
Like...
super-kala-fraga-lis-tic
its sick
This shits ridiculous
Murdering draw string clown
Coming conspicuous
I'm the opposite I frown
Pulling my draw string around
My own neck
And the sound
my body hits the ground
Pulling on my draw string
and laughs go all around

HAHAHAHA

Humiliated suicide
Goes far beyond the tears I cried
And my burned out existence ignites the flames
Consuming my humanity with all of my rage
Looking back with ashy sight
I realize my day is fading to night
The sunshine never seems to be enough
To dry the glue around my heart
And as the chilly night corrupts
My image of you falls completely apart
As the darkness fills the void
From a hand me down heart destroyed
I look upon the night time sky
Hearing the whispers that come with a sigh...

"The whispers come louder
when my thoughts are hazy
the taunts and the laughter
when they say I'm crazy..."

No sand bags as thoughts flood...

No sand bags, as thoughts flood… grasping futilely at the inconsistency of dark waters, the anger and the sorrow, from long dead fathers, and the rot… within the embankments, I’m caught, drowning in between a life raft and a yacht…

In this land there are no sand bags just water you can’t drink a thirst that came first and madness on the brink of washing away all the sanity left within me…

My thoughts flow like blood from veins red with rage with no one around when the flood waters came they made for higher ground and how profound that the flood waters came to destroy YOUR little town… no sand bags for thought but my logic is sound… you fair weathered bitches I hope all of you drown!

Thoughts pool around the cracks in my heart freezing on contact and breaking apart wash away the heartache the pain and the grief a relief from my minds rain pouring with sadness over a life lived in madness…

As my thoughts come pouring out and away with no bags to stop them I’ll simply say… good bye to smiles, goodbye to cries, good bye to sanity, and goodbye to goodbyes… I can’t live in a broken heart and my minds too slippery to hold… I’ll simply exist… in empty darkness… cold.

Hearts at half mast

I warm myself by the fires of my burning rage
finding comfort that I can still feel the hot flames
scorching my inner being…

better rage than empty believing…
even though I'm blind to the darkness
beyond my inner circle of illumination
I can still imagine the demons that lurk
pulling my strings from beyond my limited sight…
an inner being of emptiness
deeper than blackened night.
But still I try…

painting smiles and staying awhile
while the darkness and unknown call my name…
I'm still the same
ever changing from the day you met me
until the day you left me…

I'm still hiding behind my face turned up
with a mind burnt up
and a heart torn up
I'm sorry I was born not meaning to interrupt
just fallible and corrupt
a being of ignorance from a universe thrown up
but now that I'm grown up

I'm constantly dumb founded
mind boggled and surrounded
by hatred unfounded
with your egos this worlds just too crowded..

not meaning to be mean
but its all that I see
when I look in the mirror
the lines on my face coming clearer
from fear that your…

going to need some relief
from the leaf don’t you see?
That your memory of me
is all there will be
when I walk on egg shells so fucking precariously…

trusting so dangerously
when I can scarcely be
imagining things
when you're dragging your feet
On the road, on the street

Emotional scaring made by road rash
Playing catch up on life's path
Ignoring those around you
And moving too fast…
Your pace just wont last…
You'll end it with a blast
Gambling with the die that God cast
We are all beings of ignorance
When your hearts at half mast...

Wilting...

I kill myself slowly day after day
walking through life like tomorrow is guaranteed
working and slaving for green paper greed.

My five year plan is a comedy show
where I'm the only one that laughs…
trying to find something creative
to engrave upon my epitaph.

Black walls around me and blue skies a memory
I chase feathers in the wind with my minds eye
even though I do get by I still see the lack… the void… the try…

when will it be enough for me?
Black walls still keep me warm
when the wind blows to hard too chase feathers…

my thoughts fall like rose petals…
dancing with the motion of the fall…
wilting when I pluck them from the ground
and crumbling between my fingers.
How quaint… how meager…
with no windows to look though
I do not need to see her…

lady light… giving me more blossoms
to wilt with my creating hands.
I wish to caress one petal of a black rose
and drop it into the still waters of my formless dreams
riding the ripples to the edges of my own wilting existence.