I Lost...

You exchanged pens for weapons
deranged writers trying to teach lessons
but your souls cry out in torment
for all the time you could have spent
trying to vent out your rage on pages
and exchange your pain for poetry's sake.

Your pens weep for you…

lying on the floor where you cast it
only to pick up metallic ignorance
with the intention to fill caskets.
Instead of blood, ink, and tears to fill pages…
you foolishly filled the hearts of poets with your hatred…
and I'm only sorry that the beauty of your ink is now faded…
Tarnished and tainted by your egoic disposition
that kept you looking at other poets as competition

and yes… your pens weep for you… bleed for you… and yes they need you too…

but in your state where anger feeds you…
the beauty of poetry will never speak to you…

Your ink will be nothing more than black marks on blank pages
like the scars you placed on the hearts
of the fellow poets you forced apart
when you threw down your pens
each of you feeding off the need to win
needing to be so much "bigger" than HIM…

Fuck it all of you win…
I'll be the loser that started all over again…
if that’s what it takes for you to pick up your pens
recognize the beauty of your own words and be friends.

Fuck it I lost…
I'd never scribe if this was the cost…

if retribution became a form of restitution
I'd label my pen as 'Hate Pollution'
my rhymes becoming prostitution
an abhorrent attack on our constitution…

I'd label my ink as 'retired'
if that's what would be required
for my pen to no longer call me a liar
to open my eyes to the hate I inspired…

I would do this…
If that was all that's required.

Gods Riddle...

I just don’t feel this world
Disconnected, disjointed, and unwhole
I just don't feel this world no more
My only connection now faded
Only my mind this pen and these pages
This sky, those people, that steeple, all unrelated
Looking down at this path, and how far I've made it
I must be the villain of my unfinished story
Living in this life of sin all I can do is worry
I guess I just need an understanding
My patience, My trust, crash landing
The government, the church, are fast handing
so all of my convictions come landing
In quick sand and she made me
Not feel this world no more
Leaving me love shy and sore
Ass hurts from the door that closed the day before
Hot tears ran freely until they froze around my heart
Walling in the sorrow keeping the pain apart
From the facade that’s become me smiling for my child
Taming the sadness, keeping grief from running wild
Throw me a line… I can't climb over the walls I built
I say that I'm fine… in truth I am drowning in pools of guilt
I'm sorry sweet heart I couldn't feel the world
Couldn't save nothing from becoming nothing
Couldn’t stop mommy from laughing
When she closed the door with you and me wondering what's happening
Death to the Christmas carol fiendish hearts living feral
Sinful living unforgiving in the eyes of little children
Hatred dripping and I'm unrelenting…
Constantly venting to silent walls that crumble
Seeing trouble as a pin prick to burst my bubble
Just when I thought is was going alright
You creep into my bedroom in the middle of the night
Laying down on the cold side of the bed and resting your head
One question you said… will mommy be alright?
I pretend I didn't hear you...
Just bury my face further into the salty sadness
Of my down comforter sinking into faulty madness
Even though this world went cold
And my words fail me…
I hope that when I hold on to you little lady
You know that God sent you to save me…
Made you pretty made you smart
Made you all the things that I'm not
You are my strength you are my grip
You are my rock when reality starts to slip
You are my savior my saintly 6 year old neighbor
Sent to this world to make me feel it a little
Sent to me as an answer to God's riddle

Is That So...

I see the flashes of light when I blink
The transition from real to dream
Screaming into fantasy I often think
How real can you make my nightmare seem?

Will you be there taunting to smile?
Will you be there just out of reach?
Will you calm me and sit for awhile?
While in the darkness the silent will teach

So I say to all that listen...
Is that so….?
Just another perverted show

So I say to all of you now...
Is that so…?
Just one more thought I never let go…

So say to me with safety please...
Is that so…?
You leave no room, perfect won't grow…

Nightmare flashes behind eye lashes
I'd take thirty lashes to resurrect the ashes
Of a blind family that constantly clashes
With a loving nature that barely passes

I'd rather sit in ignorant gratitude
Than live forever in emotional solitude
I say it clearly I say it and smile
Live up to your own potential
And remake yourself worth while…

Yeah I'm Mad...

Yeah I'm mad
Fuck you and your concert of dirt converts who only serve to pervert thoughts that are overly overt so skirt the beast that feasts on your morally weak minded double sided hieroglyphic insight shining so bright you bitches blind side then try and hide behind designer highs wait till tomorrow I bet you wallow in sorrow cause you walk corners wearing knee highs oh and big surprise its hard to find a glimmer of redemption in your painted eyes I will simmer with contention in winter unrelenting this anger is unforgiving from giving to much of a damn about flirty club whores with dirty drawers when you should take a trip to the grocery store to feed your babies instead of grinding on my leg asking please some body save me! They deserve so much more than you.

My Mind Writes With Both Hands

My mind writes with both hands I'm literarily ambidextrous, similarly I'm infectious, and the words I use can be disastrous… but don't think me uncompassionate, I just have a severe low tolerance, for linear based ignorance, freebasing stimulants, and the worlds unholy militants. I combat attacks, and I'm constantly on the come back, from undermining, lying, smiling but I'm not denying, I'm like teeth on X I'm grinding. With both hands I'm writing, to keep my mind in hiding, to keep my demons leashed, before I unleash the fury of my intellectual beast, who eats raw meat off the rich mans greed, with both hands I drink, the souls of those who try and uphold, their self righteous beliefs imposed, on a populace like dr. Lovelace. With both hands I'm taking all of it. Left or right, I write my sin, my soul so versatile, my pen writes from both ends. My left hand gets 8 stars, but my right hand gets 10. "Today Chaotic V got challenged poetically, but no one knew that he was Noetically, altering minds hypnotically". All you haters get off of me, with both hands my thoughts brought reality, to a readers mind in time to see, that this worlds not what it was thought it to be…

I See Him Weep...

Diseased where we live
Sickened by the lives
Trust in hellos
And long winded good byes
We are the keepers
Of our souls and the steeple
"Didn't I tell you?... You are all sons of God"
Thy kingdom of heaven lies within you…
So why do I cry to a God that’s not in you?
Why should I feel this separation?
This disconnection from Godly Divination
And all your mouth pieces
Strike gold within nations
All for a man
And his last palpitation…
I hear him weep…
While the innocent child starves inside your mission
And you wonder why the congregation didn't listen
The body of Christ clothed with the intention
To sacrifice the lamb on an alter of circumvention
And I hear Him weep…
Sacrifice me and save the lamb
To be honest I could give a got damn
If you sent me there to meet the man
Because you still hang him on crosses
Around your necks
In your churches
Praying for the day
The closing of curtains
I chose to celebrate life
Even though its uncertain
So… condemn me
To false prophecy
Cast stones at me
While I strive to be
More like him
And less like you
Waiting for the day
I'll learn what's true
Cause right now
I don’t understand
And isn't that the fucking point?

Insubstantial Reality

I see so many things… yet so much escapes me
Tearing down walls it brings an opportunity for things to rape me
I Involved my heart in the insubstantiality of reality
Disappointing me to the point that I think
I may drink myself into the substantiality of a false reality…

Reliving wake but dreaming screaming unrest unseemly and blurred cartoons chews up brains washing up in blood filled drains I can't take it too much pain drink it away I swim in blood gutters pouring down rain I surrender… all that’s in me I SURRENDER!!! Laughing in the face of my dream turned nightmare how a false reality caused fatalities and honest memories become a scarcity when living in the nightmare city of my Substantiality. Lights are on but nobodies there to see the inherent cruelty of a society of hypocrisy and in a daze I see my own face hurling falsity in the faces of those who come by it honestly… I drink blood red drink its all such a blur to see the thoughts of me coming softly then drifting off from me… blood drunk lust of darkness encompassing all of us but fading in and out constantly fabrics of reality getting thinner and thinner by using blood thinners making lights dimmer lives so much simpler…

Forgiving... being forgiven… the softness of life is sometimes lost to us when we trip over the jagged corners of the more… substantial pathways of our individual realities.

Angels Of Death (A Chaotic Virgo And PureBlack Collaboration)

PUreBLaCk{ImApoeT}:

Darkness in this underworld, blood and pure carnage,
Hades stolen bodies, deep down they're buried,
Torn skin and flesh hanging, skulls pure white exposed,
Welcome to the doom filled with walking bloody demons,
The son of Chronus and Rhea, I helped defeated the Titans,
Now an ultimate ruler of the universe, master of the underworld,
They nickname me the Grim Reaper, and I'm coming to take your soul,
Making the fall to hell so much steeper, as I sink my scythe deeper,
Angel of death sucking out your last breath, I'm so unseen,
As I bear my helmet of invisibility, you've been living deceitful,
and now life has lost it's meaning, a piece of you in my hand, walking away grinning,
Welcome helm of darkness, PureBlack and Chaotic Virgo instant massacre,

Chaotic Virgo:

Pouring from damnation four horsemen riding strong
I possess the scrolls for whom the bell tolls thought to be lost and gone
Horsemen riding putting light in hiding nights becoming long
Clashing together to form the nether merging becoming one
A flash of death and pestilence war joining hands with conquest
The Lords unrest created the best of 4 worlds conjoined in violence
The hand of dark justice clenches its fist as I come forth from silence
I look to see dark righteous anger standing with his scythe
A smile on his skinless face holding a soul to devour
A grin within my fiery eyes... you cowards run and hide
Together we will rule this place the hand has struck the hour.

PUreBLaCk{ImApoeT}:

Lynching worthless souls, building a death tower,
As we designate the abode of the dead,
Three headed monsters in place to guard them,
We're just the deathless gods for your child,
For he who tries to cheat death, don't cross us,
We send black animals to come and play retriever,
And precious minerals come from under the earth,
Glorifying, feeling the wrath of death, yet still rich,
With your blood as it spills and waterfalls down these walls,
As I loathed in gifts from Cyclopes, as the horses gallops,
I ride through on this dark chariot, zombie horses,
Souls shaken, bodies stand stiff stuck in fearsome,
I just tossed them the cloak of death, made easy,
blood splatters and burnt smoke rises, tongue licks bloody lips,
as you can barely glimpse, his structure, here's Chaotic.V, fellow angel of death,

Chaotic Virgo:

The ashes of the damned inhaled, black testament my breath
Eyes of holy fire, and my body wrapped in shadows
The sinful are my favorite dinner, I feed upon the gallows
Pass a soul to PureBlack the reaper, sharing in the dish
Give your soul to feed the Keeper, death your only wish
Don't think me biased, I'll take the innocent as well
The sinful are the finest though, souls taste better from hell
I stand before a temptress virgin, stealing the hearts of men
Inciting the heart of man to stray, leaving their spirit in sin
The last of which was my kiss of death, leaving the mark of the beast
Scavengers of the damned now joined in on the virgin feast
With the power of Sadom and Gamora, I crush the devils children
Knocking down your towers of power, to heaven you tried to build them
Now its time to walk in Chaotics path, and feel PureBlacks wrath
This world has become so black with hate, sinners, YOU do the math
Here we stand, two angels, fallen, death now our occupation
There is no job to big or small, one soul or an entire nation
We clean this world of filth until the mountains run red with blood
We shouldn't enjoy our jobs but still Got Damn It Its been fun!

Forced My Pen...

She stole my pen, my heart, and my sanity
Disillusioned minds say a prayer to saint valentine
How long will it be before my lines again are mine
When the blood that I write with cools with your absence
I still hear your whispers
Hushed in the silence
But encasing my pen with your spirit
I cry as I write for you…
Page after page…
I still write for you
Prisoner penning writing dark lines
Eyes now blind to parchment
You torment my poetry
With your dormant memories
That surface when I close my eyes
And you rape me with whispers
There's something I wanted to write...
But your image was much quicker
Than the smiles I see in tiny lives
My only smiles are now sad
Reflecting on situations so bad
Every door I go through…
A horror story fun house of mirrors
Reflecting my past in every direction
Laying my pain bare without discretion
The only part I care to hide
Stands naked and dying on the inside
But still I try
To pen out new memories
Rewrite my own history
Live to the fulfillment of Gods mystery
I look down write with eyes wide shut
Look down at the pages… words in red blood
Just to see
That you truly took all of me
You left
Took nothing
Took everything
Left me blind to my own story
How can this be?
You cheated with my pen
Then left
With my poetry...

Because I Have To

Demanding poetic competence
Words being our only offense
Against evil lyrical ignorance
A league against incompetence
Ever expanding our consciousness
Taking all that we want from this
And that is why I write like this
Just my way of making sense
Of a world that fails at promised bliss
Just do the fucking math dude
I don't care if these words seem rude to you
I write this shit because I have to
Not caring what the others do
Other wise I'm just another guy
That looked right by
The pretty plastic lies
No my words aren't shy
Their meant to be a surprise
To open up your blind eyes
To a metaphor
That you've never seen or heard before
Leaving your mind a little sore
But keeps you running back for more
And the leagues got plenty left in store
So what again do we do it for?
We do it for the masses
Who witness others of another color
Have advantages in racist classes
For a young mind that’s strong
Who never did anything wrong
Other than birth to a poor mans song
Punishing those who don’t know the lyrics
To the music that echoes inside the bricks
As long as my heart pumps ink
I'll never stop to think
I'll never even blink
Before the oppressive minds sink
As a society we are standing on the brink
Of a new age...
Where truth is printed on every page
Where the majority have seniority
Over the ashy sight of conformity
Creating a small degree of normalcy
While awareness is sleeping dormantly
Again I don't write this just to please you
I write this shit because I have to...

My Emotional Tangle

I faked it when I said it was evident
You didn't make it because you took too long
I can't shake this feeling of aggression
Its not considered rape if your soul is gone

I developed inconsistencies
When a piece inside died silently
Troubled by society
Uncontrollable, shaking, frightening
This world has become so blind to me...

Embracing the darkness I welcome the cold
Facing my senses I strongly with hold
My egomaniacal trials of boldness
Still, silent, soaking up the coldness
Releasing my grip, refusing to hold this
Despair being to much to let me expose this

Being lonely tastes so sweet
Compared to phony tasteless treats
Sneaking out before the day
Shines its light on a tasteless lay
Blinds the treat bathed in gray
Fake number with full ash trays
Stepping out with nothing to say
Other than...

My despair didn't care who got in the way
As long as it lived to share in its touch
Caressing your heart way to much
Leaving you feeling tiny bits
Of the echoes of my turbulent grips of crying fits
Lonely nights of internal fights
Forcing the occasional
Emotional tangle
Of heart strings

...and...I'm sorry...

Rescinding To Dream…

Slipping softly from reality

To a distant place…

Rescinding to dream

Where thoughts take flight

Flying high along my mind

Tracing the darkening waters

Along the edges of the sunset

I see the waves crashing on a moonlit shore

Tasting the beauty…

But still left wanting more

Beyond this transcended reality

Passed the boundary of human fallacy

As the time of night draws nearer

I see an image becoming clearer

Held immortal in the endless skies

A constellation besets my eyes

Her image is there!

Frozen, timeless, forever

I stand on the shore littered

With fleeting memories of day

Breathless, devoid of words to say

The beauty ensnares me

Wraps me in bliss

Leaving me wondering

Will I ever be able to kiss…?

This image so pure

This refection of soul

Will her dark beauty

Be too much for me to hold…?

I Can’t Call It…

The inherent fallacy

in all of humanity
is that we all collectively
are lacking symmetric energy
we all feel the need
to feed
which plants the seeds
of greed
and in turn the search for more green…
funny it seems…
that we are all just animals
climbing to the top of the food chain
then turning into cannibals
all of us innocent
and all of us fallible
suddenly sin
becomes understandable
as our inner struggle as mammals
becomes more palatable…
chewing up the debauch eristic
the seductive argument
how each of us wants all of it…
you define it as "evolved"
but I don't know what to call it…

My Catastrophe

With your myspace pages

False projecting fake ages

And impossible made up wages

You born from the self

With a small's'

Egomaniacal persecution

Of self reliable

Projected prisons

And don't you wish you were livin

Like the culture stars

That made it far

On their parents money

And I find it funny

How the poor pay riches

To enrich their lives

In tattered stitches

Then whine like little bitches

Because they're dreams wound up in gutter ditches

I guess their designer sunglasses finally got too big for their face

Falling to the ground in such a way

That those you chose to save face

Can finally look into your eyes

And see that your lives

Were built on lies

And disgrace…

I realize

That what you need

Is to spiritually

Enrich your mind

With deep humility

And it's a sin to me

To see my kids living

In mediocrity

Better that

Than a lack

Of humanity

Because your vanity

Prevents you from

Understanding me

But how can it be

That I too fall victim to society

Leaving me to chastise

My own blind eyes

Indiscriminately

I irreverently encode

My perception of reality

To behold and mold

My own soul

On life's tapestry

I seek mastery

Over this self made catastrophe

That is all of me…

I dissolved to be

More evolved and free

But finding

My mind too involved

With face painted smiling

Of daily life's grinding

That my poetry

Is in slow motion

When my feelings

Could fill oceans

With my emotions

I'm with holding

From grabbing hold of dream

From making life seem

So much harder

Than it has to be…

...That's My Catastrophe

The Monotony Got To Me

Chaotic Virgo:


How can I survive in this life of second guessing
Having to deal with all of this strife has got me stressing
I think I just need some time to stop me from regressing
Into this monotony of rot I'm not confessing

Droning along quietly, smiling, painted plastic lying
Keeping anger hid deep inside me, but now its blindly riding
Along the path to necrotic mind crawling inside me dying
It was gnawing softly coming darkly and surprising

Simply smooth, lubing the encroaching and embarking doom
With no room but to let loose anytime, but I know its probably soon
Come and see, the silence dying, before my angers free
It will be, quite a sight to those who sit close to me…


Damami:


This anger so vicious inside of me
Growing larger than life
Quite violently
This life stress
Thoughts of suicidal tendencies
I got to confess
My life has me vexed
Wondering whats left
Wondering how I can live my life righteously
The con me thinks otherwise

Tired of life
Crying holding back the sighs
My life hasn\'t been pretty
Actually its been pretty fukin ugly

Trying to lose some of this anger
Trying wanting to take my knife slit my wrist
Becoming part of my therapist suicide list

I can\'t let anyone close to me
Cause the last person that was close to me
Had me feeling so un-pretty
Had me think my loving was his key
Fuck this shyt Its time to slice deep
Or should I talk about that .480 I keep
Rite to my temple
Fucked up mental


Chaotic Virgo:


The cold circumference
Of steel forged death
Enveloping my countenance
How did life to come to this
I wouldn't miss
the anger, rage, and constant stress
That’s why I quit
Pull the trigger into promised bliss

But let us see
Deep beyond the boundary of imagining
Even my own anger is astounding me
Its grounding me
But losing sight of those around me

Awareness sleeps and anger wakes
Another opportunity
To remake my fate
And I must…
Unless I get caught up in too late
And stand naked at the late gate
So...

I can destroy you before I go
For long absent fathers
Female collars
And monotonous stagnant waters
I'll kill all of you…


DaMami:

Fuk fate and the promise of tomorrow
Hanging by a thread
Swallowing pills
Sick thoughts manifesting in my head
My brain has me thinking
I am absolutely insane

All this tragedy that surrounds me
I a walking Murphys law
If anything can go wrong, it will, and it will happen at the worst possible time
That\'s me... a walking headline

Head hung low
Anger consumes me
This anger causing riots inside of my body
Thoughts manifesting
Wanting to do the most evil thangs
Sticking up Niccas with my pretty face
Set up dudes
Taking the bait

So tired of men looking @ me
Saying this bytch is so fly so fukin pretty
What about who I am, the promise of what can be
Shyt makes me fukin angry

What ever happen to mind body and soul and reality
Fuk that let me bring out the Connary
Take this blade
Stick it deep in that rib cage
Take this clip
I\'m running deep in your shyt

See I need this money
Fuk that my daughter ain\'t going hungry
Sensible as niccas
Costumes as niccas
Fuk playing Romper Room as players

U see I have real problems
Like Jay a bytch ain\'t one
I\'m about to clap back and take all that shyt son


Like spot you better run...
This anger is about to cause a National Catastrophe
walk the streets silently...waiting


Chaotic Virgo:


Shit storming whirl winded violence
Rocks all my good thoughts to silence
She left just because I couldn't buy this?
Where's my mind cause I don’t know where to find it
And speaking of angry waters…
This bitch took my money, my house
And my son and daughter
Leaving me the lonely father
And what's bad is she don't even want em
Won't even let me call them…
My screams hurled on deaf walls
As the phone rings with
More collection calls
So now I scream
Pulling my hair for so long
I'm Mr. Clean
With no dreams
I'm so tired of imagining
That I live a life worth while
As long as I pretend
She would stay for awhile
Just fake it and smile
With a throat full of bile
I curse you a mile
No coming back I'm fine
Cause lady...
When I'm killing anger with rhyme
I will

C
U
No
Time

This is anger
This is not sorrow
Be careful
Of this rage you can't follow
Unless you wanna make front page
Of the news paper tomorrow…

"Last night a bitch got shot
by a man who got caught
Up in monotonous rot
Police say he's crazy
Unpredictable and angry"
Screaming at spectators
Not one of you can save me!"

Born To Lie

You lied to me…

After all of this… you lied to me…

I thought I saw you, but the truth was blind to me

Now I just don't know what to do with you…

Why was I so quick to think that you were different?

Now I feel my heart is sick my mind has got me twisted.

I tasted joy with all you were, seasoned to perfection.

With all that's gone I was so sure of my hearts direction.

Blinded by the lies you told I wander within my sorrow.

How could you be oh so bold with a heart that was only borrowed?

Worn and weak by similar fates you chose to be a reminder.

I guess I love to prove I'm lost, knowing I will never find her.

How could I expect anything more than exactly what I received?

Confusion, pain, rage inside, not knowing what to believe.

But for all my fears and weakness shown I plaster on a smile.

This pain today is gone tomorrow lasting but awhile.

I will learn to walk again a scar upon my heart.

With experience I can carry on better from the start.

No Body Is Perfect… :)

I sit staring at the wondrous mess I've made of things...

Glancing at the mirror reflecting the world behind me.

The dusty destruction of knick knacks, stuffed animals, and the yellowed pages of an old journal...

are scattered evenly in the reflection of the mirror…

The visual echo of the mistakes and the pitfalls, the whispers, and the motivations...

All are footprints of the path that led me to this tired room of dusty memories and long forgotten joys.

I don't have the strength nor the energy to escape this place…
I merely sit weakened and getting weaker...
Catalyzed by the objectivity of my own internal struggle.

How...

"Stretched" that makes me feel...

Stretched without the ability to pull myself together.

So I sit…

Staring at what my eyes can see while being bound to a dirty chair.
Held captive by the rope that I wove over a lifetime of blood, sweat, and tears...

Watching the holes in the wall and the crimson hand prints replay their story over and over…

Everything is broken…

Everything is dirty…

Even the one remaining photograph...
Depicted with in its dirty glass...
The smiling faces seem as if they are being forced to relive the events that cracked its frame and broke the rest of the smiling faces.

Everything is broken…

Everything is dirty…

Everything except for the mirror...
Reflecting broken toys and shattered dreams…
The surface of the mirror stands immaculate...

Passing along the details of the world behind him in such clarity that you would think the mirror itself stood filthy with the ugliness of its own reflection.

I think about this and the ropes loosen…
And I once again can find the strength to smile…

...and soon to stand…

I laugh like a man that’s free from all worry…
Oh the joy I feel in knowing...
That what comes next will clean this room of filth forever.

Staring intently at the reflection of the mirror with a fire that has not been lit in years…
And with merely a thought…
Nothing more complicated than a choice…

The glass shatters…

The pieces silently fall to the floor.
Calmly and indifferently...
I take a single knee...
Placing my hands briefly together in thanks

Brief. But necessary...

One by one, piece by piece...
I begin to turn the pieces of the mirror over
So that their faces will not reflect the ugliness of this place again…

With a smile and a tear...
I pick up a small piece that’s shaped like a heart
And place it face down into my pocket…

I am a sentimental fool… I chuckle…

I walk quickly to the door…
And I leave…
Taking with me only a small piece of the shattered existence I left behind…

After all…

No bodies perfect.... :)

Talk for me

I try to separate heart from mind
But blinding hate starts to find

Memories of love unkind

I can't leave it up to thought

The destruction found with needs untaught

Disappear from heart bound faith

Retreat within my mind that's safe

Replace me with your busy bee

I'm still left wandering in blackness free

But tell me how I really feel

Unspoken vows are some how real

I keep my soul from definition

Even from my hearts dissension

Traitorous feelings taking form

Conforming me unto norm

But why should I stay within this court

With love and thoughts in complete discord

But what about those little voices

Drag me through your shattered choices

Force my hand into applause

Smiling now but just because

I have no direction and no shoes for walking

Crumpled and listening to those voices talking

Directing my fate like I'm not there

But who ever said that life was fair

I guess this is how it was meant to be

Those voices talking

Talking for me…

Longing Indifference

Give into this emotional reverence of ego minded chaos

Rising inside you tormenting your look

Keep on saying you love

Until it just becomes something you think you should say

Like its an apology

Like those three words can somehow erase the damage done by the outbursts that come uncontrolled from deep within your soul…

Tell me you'll leave

Tell me you'll roll

Just to see how the words take hold

Waiting for the tears to fall to some how justify your reason for being

Hurt me by staying or hurt me by leaving

Poison is poison

No matter what glass you put it in

I drink it down so it can begin again

Here are the tears I'll never show you

Here are the lies I never told you

Here is the anger I never let loose

Braid them together to form a noose

Hang me with my own emotions

But why me?

Why choose me who was already hurting

Make me smile make me laugh

Then mark irony on the epitaph

Cause I got built up to get shot down

Breaking promises only I can hear

Taking away all of my fear

Only to replace it with a false security of longing indifference

Like I said…

I love…

But can I finish the sentence?

With all the emotion and all of the pain

When lightning crashes and tears fall like rain

Will this be the proof you need to close the case?

Do I have to feel this for you to know

That everything I live for is only a show

For how much I love you?

I won't look passed you

Only above you.

Praying to a god I know never cared

Hoping my mind can align itself with truth

The truth to me the truth to you

An honest portrait

Of an honest love renewed

A time warp back to when I didn't know

A time before the curtain opened

And the show began

Reliving the reruns

Of smiling ignorance

Heart whispering thoughts

Protected by fence

Walls without gates

Lives without fates

Just two people enjoying

the slow inevitable dying

Making the most out of quietly smiling

“I’m Fine”

The ebb and flow

The rising tide

Climbs high inside my mind without the time to explain to me…

Why…

My marigo round shit storm of violence

Screams me down inside

But out…

Silence

Just a plastic grin of hope

With skinny limbs

And eyes on dope

The only reason

That most elope

Is a stubborn refusal to give in to rope

But should that be what life is about

Quietly smiling while dying in sight

Of every one quietly smiling

But wait mother fucker

Listen to YOU whining

Spilling your damaged spinning marigo round mind

Falling to the ground one at a time

Hoping to find solace with in rhyme

Dusting myself off

Exclaiming a lie

"I'm fine…"

The Memory of Sleepy Children

How can something so empty, make my chest constricted

Drifting freely on the canvas, thoughts come so conflicted

To this feeling, the righteous child, anger so addictive

Long for peace, the future spoke, when all my pain is lifted

But all my childish words of 'I'

dance naked upon my tattered heart

Little whispers that sleep with 'lie'

Entrance my mind from the start

Devilish little lighthearted 'why?'

Rifts the soul and peace apart

Even when it's names 'divine'

Self serving mind, oh so smart…

What can come after sleepy children laid to rest?

A bed of pain to sleep in, disaster pulled to chest

Dreams of painted faces, a present unconfessed

Awakened by a memory, of peaceful, cold unrest

But all my childish words will die

With lies I choose to build them

Growing deep inside my mind

A prophecy… should I fulfill them

The little whispers heard were mine

Reality being what killed them

Trapped inside of heart and time

The memories of sleepy children…

The Emerald Curtain

How great the days turning to night… passing gently if not swiftly.
How great the smiles turning to fight… moving on swiftly if not gently.
Bumpy roads
Rocking cradle
Fear of life
Without a label
Looking to a memory that is no longer true…
Even if the thoughts of past are a part of you
Forward thinking
So unseemly
Living on hope and borrowed time
I will choose to dance like wild children
And watch the world burn
Rather than stand before the scythe
Waiting for my turn
What was
Is no longer
What will be
Uncertain
The present so confusing
Behind the emerald curtain.
Do not cry for the past that did not last
Do not scan the horizon for the answer
It could be happiness…
Or a disaster
Made of cancer.
Look at the light in the eyes of wild children dancing on a world left burning
Happy or sad angry or dead the world will keep on turning.

Just A Thought

What a way to start the day
Just another show for me
Grinning at the new beginning
Rise and shine dying man
Step your death
To a beautiful dance
And whistle your last breath
Smile or cry its all the same
We all leave as we came...

Black Paint...

Look through tears as your past echoes with laughter taunting all you held as mine

Such a pretty portrait painted of yourself lacking all shadows and straight flowing lines

The blank spots on the tapestry a necessary reminder that your truth is incomplete

Lest the boundaries of your life be torn and past and future compete

But so discreetly whisper the poison born from experience driven delusion

Until the very smiles you've worn tatter to empty wide eyed confusion

As you look around at your world made sober, laughter coming faint

What will you do with emptiness made over? Walls worn with black paint...

I’m Tired…

Tired I am…

 

In my soul I'm weary…

 

Tired of holding on to something insubstantial…

 

Tired of thinking that I may be special…

 

Tired of missing…

…you, the truth, satisfaction, an angry reaction…

…festers and pours along my skin enveloping all of me in misery…

 

I'm tired of my mind too strong to control…

…my thoughts running like small children before the dinner call…

 

…tired of last calls… burned up cigar wrappers… and empty shot glasses…

 

…tired of the masses,

I want something fresh something new, something interesting, something true, I want something besides the memory of you…

 

…tired of only feeling the emptiness of where my heart used to be…

 

To be free… is to be lonely… to be in love… is to be disappointed… to be alive is to be dying…. and all smiles eventually lead to crying.

 

I'm tired….

Call Me A Liar…

Living life with a smile as the world cyclones around me in a shit storm of penalties, sin, and ignorance.

Why is it I love and others die….

When I think that I'm ready.

What's your plan?

Do you really want to keep me alive to torture me?

Even though my heart pumps you waste your time torturing the dead the damned and the broken….

Save it my heart has spoken…

Save it for someone who has not yet awakened to the horror filled reality that walks these streets.

 

I walk these streets…

 

I don't need a billboard to see the sadness reflecting in the wishing pool begging for mercy with the flip of a penny.

I don't need the news to tell me that millions pray at the bed side of sleeping children crying for the light that shines through the eyes of those too young to know the truth.

 

The nightmares are real…

 

Time passing by too slowly to notice the embers cooling to ash…

And another innocent becomes aware of the world…

Our children will grow into the walking dead.

Corpses with hard hats and leather brief cases…

Corpses wearing Prada and Gucci sun glasses sipping tasteless drinks by polluted waters breathing in the death that pours from smoke stacks, aerosol cans, and cars that drive in meaningless directions.

 

Sad… but I smile.

 

Call me a liar and be called one for your trouble…

See you there pretty lady…

Scandalous sinful pride will wander she who believes herself greater than those who chose to believe her. I will be the poor… I will be the dirty… rather than live in egomaniacal persecution of self. Kiss the stars dear one… you can't take it with you… and once you come unto nothing... as all things do… I will be waiting, waiting there for you. Only it won't be the dreams I haunt but the inky blackness of your self projected prison… shaped from your formless sinning… see me there richer by far… poor but grinning.

I Slept With Truth

I slept with truth once…

Tasted it… but not while I was hungry

I looked deeply into the eyes of truth

They were shifty

I lay there next to truth

Feeling so comfortable in my embrace

But the form was ever shifting

I slept soundly

But truth tossed and turned

Having nightmares of time

I awoke next to a corpse

And I left… kissing truth upon a cold brow

I danced on nightmares fire

Slipping away gently to the rhythm of life

Softly tip toeing upon awareness

Finally rescinding to dream

And returned to the bedside

Where truth still dozed

Neither awake nor sleeping

The unrest keeping relief just out of reach

I lay down again

Dreaming of the time

Where promises

Run out of thought

Making a liar

Out of the past

You’re ‘Dereliction’

Bless me with patience but curse me with purpose

Grant me strength to turn back from worthless

I do not need your pillows of lace; Nor the comforted heart full if grace

I just don't want to see the smile on your face

Laughing at my bloodied disgrace

How dare you taunt me and curse those that want me

When It was your reflection in the knifes direction

When it was your voice that caused a suicidal infection

Capitalizing on my own imperfections

Who could blame my marital defection?

The reasons were clear and not up for question

Don't blame me for your poor recollection

Divorce for me has been my own resurrection

And if it was put up for an election…

I'd rather go through life without an erection

Than see for one second your smiling complexion

Nothing better to do than hatred projection?
On the wall labeled the "Reed Section"?

Fuck you hater, start a coin collection

You'll never get past my own introspection

Nor my desire to lead a life of perfection

With the one person I managed to make a connection

If you fell from my world in complete disconnection

There would be a lack of nothing with the exception of objection

No more suicide smiles in my direction

No more petty Myspace inspections

Just my life…

Finally going…

In a good direction.

My Cryptic Darkness

I want to die by a tree in the darkness; the night time can cover the ash in my eyes

I want to die while the moon’s still in harvest; or can the old man make it a surprise



As long as I’m greeted empty with freedom; with no scars to scare the angels away

Sometimes I’m in hiding my mind doesn’t need her; gagging the heart and stopping the fray



The whispers are louder when my thoughts are hazy

The taunts and the laughter, when they say I’m crazy

But what can come after, this past that has made me

the memories are faster, and the old man is lazy



All the Exiled please sing me to darkness

All the Forgotten please carry me home

All of the smiles please color them heartless

The sun it tastes bitter when you’re all alone



Sometimes I will wander away from my tree; the innocent will wonder what wrong with me

before I return with more scars on my heart; the travel has hurt me and set me apart



The girl is now laughing the old man looks on; and my sight begins to tie up my shoe

I seem to remember that my heart is gone; walking with angels and carrying you…



The whispers are louder when my thoughts are hazy

The taunts and the laughter, when they say I’m crazy

But what can come after, this past that has made me

the memories are faster, and the old man is lazy



All the Exiled please sing me to darkness

All the Forgotten please carry me home

All of the smiles please color them heartless

The sun it tastes bitter when you’re all alone



My eye lids are stolen she took them from me

How can I survive when I’m blinded by darkness

When a thing that’s so beautiful won’t let me be

The old man is taunting me….

They won’t leave…

Me alone…

These Dead Lips Smile

Come one come all

See the dead smile

And watch the corpses laugh...

Grinning at their epitaphs

The irony of life…

Is that you only appreciate it once dead

Then we cry over the lives we led

If only a corpse had a tear worth falling

If only we could walk through life...

Instead of crawling

Dreading each day

By the sound of an alarm

But before peace comes

We turn it back on

The repetition

The monotony

Life's frustration

Comes from a desire

To be free

But how can we feel

With obligations so real

Never trusting that

Happiness is our struggle

If only we had the strength to choose

Instead of being weak with trouble

Let the fears fade away

Turn your back on a cloudy day

Stare at the faces

Of your children full of light

Try and remember

The dark starless night

A time long before

You painted the sky

With lifeless junk

And whitened scars

Clouded the heavens

With bad memories

And smoked out bars

Drifting scenery

And brand new cars

Really have we come this far?

Just to be the plastic liar?

With hair plugs and Botox

Prostitution and crack rocks

All the gold inside fort knox

Could not stop your internal clock

From progressing onward

Right up until the very end

Then you'll see the truth my friend

All that comes with you...

Is your sin...

And that is why all these

Dead lips grin

You Whore

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it

I tried to be free but your hearts so cold that I'm frozen

I'm stuck upon the path

With no way to get back

Before my blood runs cold

I'll curse you with my last breath

Nothing's gonna save me but divine intervention

I reckon it's again my turn to hurt some and curse them

 

I won't love you no more, no more

This cannot wait, you whore

 

Well open up your mouth you can't hear me

You opened up your legs and damn I'm free

Look into my eyes and you'll find no love love love

Listen to the beating of the heart and die like me

A peaceful melody

It's your God-forsaken fault that I don't love love love love you…

 

I won't love you no more, no more

This cannot wait, you whore

There's no need to complicate

Our time was short

This is our fate, fat whore

 

I've been spending way too long looking at our wedding pictures

And bending over backwards but now I see you clearer

My near death fucked up my ass

I sliced my wrist and you laughed

I guess what I'ma saying is there ain't no better reason

To rid myself of you and just go with the seasons

It's what I aim to do

The blame goes on you

 

I won't love you no more, no more

This cannot wait, you whore

There's no need to complicate

Our time was short

This is our fate, fat whore

 

Well open up your mouth you can't hear me

You opened up your legs and damn I'm free

Look into my eyes and find that Skye's a whore like you

Listen to the beating of the heart and cry like me

Including our whole family

It's your God-forsaken fault that I don't love love love love you…

 

I won't love you no more, no more

This cannot wait, you whore

There's no need to complicate

Our time was short

This is our fate, fat whore

 

No please, don't complicate

Our time is short

This is our fate, you're a whore

 

No please, don't hesitate

no more, no more

It cannot wait

You and Skye are whores!!

 

 

 

Supposed to be a love poem…

How is it you can take my breath away?
Yet keep me alive inside

Your divine asylum

Your eyes I love them

The predatory gaze

You gave

Sets my mind ablaze

With thoughts

That amaze me

With a touch of fear

That creeps along my mind

As I realize

Your stare

Threatens to devour

All that is me

 
 

How is it possible that you put me in chains?

Locked away with no key

And all that remains

Is this feeling

Of being so much more

Than free

Shackles never felt so soft…

Chains never so weightless…

The touch of terror again...

Because more oft than not

When I've been held aloft

By these delightful thoughts

I find myself falling

To the ground

And crawling

Battered and broken

Shaking and calling

And I won't move forward

Because my heart keeps stalling...

My Cryptic Friend

Forget perfect

I'm just trying not to be worthless

Abstaining from pain

Awakening to God's purpose

From underneath life's curses

Before the inevitable

Closing of curtains

Trapping me with myself

Leaving me swimming in guilt

Drowning in choice

Because you never felt

The way that I did

The things that I said

Fell on emotional ear muffs

When life was tough

You ran and hid

Behind self righteous

Indignant blaming

Because life was never enough

Too much of the same thing

Burning in monotony

I take back what you stole from me

These thoughts of you wont let me be

my heart's apart from misery

It's not the devil that keeps me from free

Just these little things trapped inside of me

Until I can rise above the fall

And learn to just forget it all

unable to run but still I crawl

In the general direction of nowhere

In the general direction of anywhere

Of anywhere but here

Of any place not ruled by fear

So I can feel myself feeling again

To welcome back my cryptic friend

And never let it go again

Ever .

I Won't Do

Trust in nothing other than the formless
Accept that I am Disappointing to myself
Accept that I may never live up to the image I have of me
Accept that my thoughts keep me a slave to reality
Accept that my emotions are shackles that will never let me free
Accept that my only escape may be within my own nightmares
Scaring me into believing that I live
When its all such a hollow illusion
It's all such an elaborate lie
Living a slave then dying as one
I wasted so much time
Trying to be aware of my own consciousness
Discovery leaving me wholly unsatisfied
Even my only hope of something more
Seems like a far fetched dream
Because why would death be any different?
Than the life I've wasted so far?
The only thing that’s left to do
Is try and impart this precious lie
To those that come after me
And hope that they believe it
Hope they never realize
That God does exist
He just doesn't care
How can I explain to them
That the devil is here as well
Living within all of us
Creating our personal hell
The only redemption I see
Is the one thing I'll never do
Learn to forgive myself
Before my time is through
My ever present sun sated madness
My porcelain face plastered with laughless
Staring through black holed nothing
Refusing to see what the unnatural bring
Soul locked tight I wont allow it to sing
Another bright heart swelling ballad
Turns to tear jerking night time cries
Fed up with everyone's' smiling liesBecause even a porcelain mask can dieWhen faced with changing cloudless skies
Chain me behind the sun rise
So I will never see those eyes
Dark like me
Won’t leave me be
Soon you'll see
My soul set free
Leaving all
To take the fall
And I'm scared
Because when you look into the abyss
It shifts its sight to look back at you
Then right through you
Making you cold
And erasing the fated
The predestined end
Comes so belated
Testing all of my patience
As I look for one last great adventure
One last test
Before I become
Deaths tenure...

Death Is Boring

All this talk of death is boring
now I think the reapers snoring
leaving life oh so boring
but I find my delight in knowing
the answers will be coming soon,
in my heart I find no room,
for your misjudged perception of me.
I have no time to bleed as I must keep going,
no time to see what your heart is showing
as I am sure this life I lead is
Slowing….
Slowing…
Slowing..
my heart pounds softer but my smile grows long
understanding that I've done nothing wrong…
to deserve to feel this way…
I've punished myself for long enough
and have been waiting for this day…
to find some version of closure
in the midst of your absence
when I've seen nothing of you since….
I lied and smiled…
said I'd see you after awhile…
knowing that my inner child…
just looked at death
and held its breath
long enough to follow
the memory of you….

Poetic Vision

Amidst the bloodied fields of past

And closely knitted skies of gray

The poetic vision understood at last

Turning back upon the day

Darkness feeds upon the gloom

Leaving not a breath of room

Between the spaces of these places

The light will not be coming soon

To this chlosterphobic mind

Sightless men all laugh in kind

And all madmen delight and swoon

Disappearing epitaphs

When the sun appears at noon

No words spoken at dawns light

Fearful of returning sight

But how we sing and dance delight

Upon the moon and starry night

Returning to the ancient cradle

Without the fear of a living label

Intangible existence so unstable

With the rise of the eastern star

And darkness coming oh so far

Will we once again see light?

Or live immortal in a starless night

Getting Better

I'm getting better at this

At this cold heartedness

Getting better with stress

And all my duress

Getting better at sleeping alone again

Getting better at not sleeping

I get better at handling everything

Like a lone feather

In the wind

Blown in all directions

Floating with no resistance

To begin itself again

Better to be blown

Then pushed

Better to leave

Then rushed

Better to fall

Than trust

A firm grip on reality

A must

Can't get to caught up

In dreaming

But still I hear you

Out there screaming

But all my eyes see

is a turning back

And then you leaving

My mind is trapped

I'm not believing

My heart is crushed

With all the deceiving

I can't help but feeling…

Your absence

The loss

The remembrance

Of our dance

A life of chance

That was so surreal

No definitions

To how I feel

Now the dark

Is so unreal

Cause in my mind

I see the light

The memory

Of eyes so kind

Fading to sight

Over and over

No cover of night

Could deny that smile

If only I can remake myself…

Worth while

But I'm getting better
Accepting that we are never

And that what we had
will live forever
Timeless in a memory
sacred in those times so free

When life was still

And we could
just
be…

You got me twisted

Is a lying smile happy?

Is this freedom you speak of free?

No boundary no walls just misery…

The lie is the mask you place on your face

The memories of the past erased

Be something your not…. Fine…

But you forget that my heart is not mine

It exists somewhere far behind the present line

When the feelings

Were returned in kind

Instead of patient love that's blind

How dare you…

Think I twisted in mind

When you're there…

And I'm here

Forced to live in fear

Of your silence…

Only making a sound to defend your mask

Be honest….

Wasn't that all you asked?

Instead you chose to live a lie

And let love drift on by

And I am forced

To drown in truth….

Freedom…. HA!

More like a noose…

Live in your material kingdom

Claiming I have freedom

Was I just a fairy tale?

Just a fantasy

To briefly set your tired mind free

Only to leave the story unfinished

And donate the book to charity

To those you feel deserve it more

I've become a hand me down

Once more reminding me of my emotional poverty

Set my heart on the shelf labeled "for sale as is"

Test me God…

I failed your quiz

I know longer want to live…

In this divine experiment

Take me to nothing

Take me empty

End the pain and set me free

Of all these things I've claimed to be…

Meeting You

Meeting you

In anticipated sadness

With wandering hearts

Hearts of madness

Wandering hearts

In winters chill

Unprepared

For natures will

Traveling blindly

With no free will

Looking for shelter

A way point

Along the path

To the clearing at the end

A place of nothing

Where all wounds mend

And scars are cleared

Forgetting all we thought to fear

Gathering up every tear

Including all that we held dear

Until a time

That we begin

Starting this path

All over again

Dirty Floor

Basking in apocalyptic silence
So full of heart but prone to violence
Tears fall like angels with broken wings
Fear swells like the echoes of the devil as he sings
Reflecting off my burned out existence
I love….
But can't finish the sentence
And for all of my resistance…
I'm trapped…
Trapped in this life
Trapped in my mind
Trapped in your sight
And fallen into the memory of those eyes…
So kind…
Terrified of your smiling lies
I die again with belief
Thank God for
Amnesiac relief
Of the pain when I fall
Tripping over broken glass
And crumpled paper balls
I see the irony of the litter on the floor
And laugh….
And I laugh even more.
Realizing that I'm just one more paper ball
Lying on your dirty floor…
Next to the wasted basket
And broken hearted fragments
I will not cry realizing I fit the definition of "crumpled"
Lying still in a bent position after having tumbled
I laugh…
Because you dance on broken glass
I laugh…
As you are drained of smiling lies
And you shut your kind dark eyes
Dancing…
And bleeding…
Their way into the past.

The Battlefield of Broken Hearted Bodies

Of all the hearts you've slain

Was mine just more of the same?

Will you even remember my name?

When even my screams fade and die

Echoing this battlefield of broken hearted bodies…

God was not here today…

My prayers… they went unheard

Lying beneath a sky of gray

Death… a lesson that I've learned

I guess even promises become lies with time

I guess there will always be questions

But no answers will I find

Lying in this battlefield of broken hearted bodies…

You have my heart

And now I fade

Disappear within my grave

On this battlefield of lies

You won't hear my weakened cries

Still within this battlefield of broken hearted bodies…

The sounds of lust within your ears

My whispers are only forlorn fears

Of a life you couldn't follow

Put love off until tomorrow

If the sun will ever rise

Trapped behind your smiling eyes

You'll find me there…

Dying on the battlefield of broken hearted bodies…